


And Our Souls They Play

by Tangerine



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Succubi & Incubi, Aphrodisiacs, Bodily Fluids, Chronic Pain, Family Issues, First Time, Getting Together, Holidays, Kitty Pryde/Illyana Rasputin (Background) - Freeform, M/M, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Religion, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Trope Subversion/Inversion, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-08-29 07:43:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16739905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tangerine/pseuds/Tangerine
Summary: In his senior year of undergrad, Julio Richter just wants to make it through college, so he can live in a nice shack somewhere in the middle of nowhere, alone and away from everyone and their functioning soul-marks. But then he meets Shatterstar, a deeply reluctant incubus, and all his best laid plans crumble to dust.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Slither](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slither/gifts).



> Fulfills (if you squint) the "APHRODISIACS" square for Round 11 of [Trope Bingo](https://trope-bingo.dreamwidth.org/).
> 
> See the end notes for further explanations of the Aphrodisiacs, Mind/Mood Altering Substances, Bodily Fluids, and Family Issues tags. Very minor spoilers in the end notes for the main story, so please be careful if that's something you're concerned about. They're below the Author's Notes.
> 
> Title from _Can't Pretend_ by Tom Odell. 
> 
> Thanks to Slither for the prompt. I hope you like it.

Mostly to annoy Rahne, Julio refers to the meetings as the weekly cry-fest for those poor fucks with messed up soul-marks. He doesn't go to them – even though he fits the description – but Rahne does, every Thursday night, like clockwork. She's been attending ever since she moved to New York, and Julio's been meeting with her after for almost as long. They don't live in the nicest neighbourhood, which is the excuse he gives her, but the truth is, sometimes he's tempted to go inside and knows he just… _can't_.

They're held in the basement of the Presbyterian church Rahne attends every Sunday morning.

Julio doesn't go to those either, and it's not just because he was raised Catholic. 

As far as Julio can tell, he's been damned, and he has no idea why. 

"You dinna have to wait for me," Rahne says, taking the hot chocolate Julio dutifully holds out. He can tell she wants to say, _you could have come in, you would have been welcomed, it'd be good for you,_ but she's seen what happens when he tries these days. What happens to his arm, to his soul, it's ugly. 

"You wanna grab a pizza at Lorenzo's?" he replies instead, hopping up from the cold stone he's been sitting on and brushing the collection of dry leaves off the seat of his jeans. "I'm fucking starving."

"It's almost nine o'clock."

"Do you have a hot date or something I don't know about?"

Rahne snorts inelegantly, hooking her hand into the bend of his elbow, face half hidden by the woolly scarf wrapped around her neck. Julio's wearing a matching one, green to her grey. Both are Rahne Sinclair handmade originals. "Ach, you shouldn't tease me. You know as well as anyone that I don't."

"Yeah, me neither," Julio says, grinning, grateful for their easy camaraderie. It had taken a while to get back to it, but now it feels as natural and as effortless as breathing. It's the least painful part of his everyday living. He loves Rahne. "But seriously... pizza? I lost track of time and worked through dinner." 

"Did you get your paper done?"

"Done is a generous way of describing it, but yeah, mostly."

They talk as they walk home, stopping in to grab a pizza with pepperoni, green olives and bacon. They spend the rest of the night on the couch watching TV, wrapped in blankets, too cheap to turn the heat up. This is not what Julio expected his life to be, but as far as these things go, it could be way worse.

He rubs his arm, ignoring the burning itch. That's new, having it happen when he's just living his life, away from religious and/or sexual situations – which, seriously, fuck his life, because he knows from the textbooks that it's not supposed to be like this – but he doesn't want to think about what's changed.

It's never been good, and he's sure by now it never will be. 

He just has to live with it, the knowledge that he is basically marked for life as being unworthy of love.

It kind of sucks. Mostly, he tries not to think about it. 

~~

School keeps him busy. If he can just hold his shit together for a couple more years, he can get his degrees and fuck off to some rural, isolated shack where he can live out the rest of his life, away from humanity. Rahne makes it clear that his solution to his soul-mark problem is a little extreme, and he is – at least – half-joking, but he also doesn't know how to live among people and not, like, _look_ at them. 

Among men, he means. He is pretty fucking sure he's gay, which is just... nothing in his life has ever been easy. Except for his relationship with Rahne, which had been a breath of fresh air until it hadn't been. He still wakes up at night, echoes of the pain he felt that night rattling around in his bones. 

So this is his life: roommates with his ex-girlfriend because neither of them can afford the rent alone (he took the windowless den, with a door that has never quite closed right). Living in a country he wasn't born in, that spends a ridiculous amount of time and energy hating him for basically no reason. Probably gay, definitely a virgin, and totally celibate because the alternative is soul-destroying agony. 

Julio Esteban Richter, everyone. Nobody wants to be him, including himself. 

"Are you just going to get drunk on the couch all weekend?" Rahne asks, sitting cross-legged on the cushions, small and dainty and cute. The click of her knitting needles is weirdly soothing. Not for the first time, Julio wishes she wasn't basically in the same boat as him. She deserves to be loved properly.

"Yeah, basically. Want one?"

"Tea suits me just fine," she replies. "I have a lab report I want to finish tonight if I'm able and inspired." 

"Your loss," he says, throwing an arm across his eyes, the buzz of the TV duelling with the matching one in his head. The thing he appreciates about Rahne is that she doesn't insist they watch any of those bullshit romantic dramas, where all the happy soulmates are living their happy soul-bonded lives. She prefers, as he does, dark comedies or action shows where soul-marks hinder more than they help. 

Without looking away from the screen or down at what appears to be a sock in its infancy, Rahne says, "you're feeling sorry for yourself."

"Isn't that what beer is for?"

"You still might," Rahne says then stops, because they both know better than that. Julio knows, through experience, that the phrase _maybe someday_ is nothing but poison for people like them. Rahne switches her line of thought. "You should come with us tomorrow. You'd be welcome. You always are."

Julio snorts, taking another swig of his beer. It's unequivocally terrible. Tastes like piss water. He doesn't know why he bought it, except it was the cheapest on the shelf. Which is probably exactly the reason, now that he's thinking about it. "Hey, you ever ask yourself why all your friends are lesbians?"

"Tabitha isn't a lesbian," she says distractedly, focussed on finishing off a row of stitches. "Neither are you, for that matter." Rahne holds her sock up to his arm. "And I didn't take you for a bigot, Julio Richter. If you somehow are, even being _as_ you are, you and I are going to have some words."

"Holy shit, I was kidding. I'm sorry," he says, shaking her yarn away. If she's making what he now suspects she's making, he doesn't want it. Doesn't _need_ it. "I hate myself for a bunch of reasons, but being probably gay isn't actually one of them. Not when I have so many other things on the list."

"Come out with us," Rahne repeats, sparing him a glance. "It'll be good for you."

"They hate me."

"You want them to hate you. They don't actually. Well, Tabby might a little, but she's just fiercely protective of me and is still convinced you broke my heart." Julio snorts, and Rahne grins widely, her knitting needles still working. "And don't you worry, Ric. I haven't told them you've a gentle soul."

"You shouldn't lie to your friends," he says, draining the last of his beer. He jumps up to grab another. 

"It isn't a lie," Rahne replies, voice carrying into the kitchen. "I may have been dazzled by your handsome face when we first met, but I wouldn't have stayed interested if I hadn't discovered how sweet you are beneath it. If you've a free hand, can you grab that bag of crisps on the counter?" 

"And a beer?"

"I have my tea, but thank you."

"More for me then," he says, cracking two open and tucking the bag of potato chips under his arm. He tosses them to Rahne as he plops back down on the couch. He drinks while she knits, and they binge their way through the fucking scariest show he's ever watched. By the end of it, they're sitting shoulder to shoulder, snuggled up under the blanket, laughing at each other because, _seriously_ , they're adults.

"Okay, I am too fucking drunk for any more of that," Julio says, turning off the TV and stretching. 

"And I'm too sober for it." Rahne laughs. "Ach, what a sorry pair we make."

Julio grins at her. It's nice, he thinks sometimes, to not be totally alone in his dysfunction. 

"I made you something," Rahne says. 

"I don't fucking want it," Julio replies, smile falling off his face. "I don't care what others..."

"Will you hold your horses? It's not to cover you up. It's to stop you from scratching," Rahne explains, keeping her voice gentle. Julio instinctively looks down at his arm, at the raised red lines on his skin. He doesn't even remember doing that. "Is it bothering you? You should you go to the clinic tomorrow."

"It's fine," he insists. "It's just being weird. It's just... I don't know. It's messed up. You know that."

"You should go to the clinic," she repeats, sliding the woollen sleeve up his arm. "I'll go with you."

"They won't tell me anything new. They never do."

"Just to be safe," Rahne says, folding her hand over his forearm, squeezing. "Just to be sure."

Julio sighs. "Fine," he says. Even though he knows it won't make a difference or help or anything. 

Because it never does.

~~

Rahne drags him out of his bed first thing in the morning. They're the second and third people in line at the soul care clinic, shivering in the early morning cold. The guy in front of him is sweating buckets, wearing only a tank top and board shorts, feet shoved into flip-flops. The mark on his arm looks infected, swollen with open sores marring an otherwise straightforward soul-mark. Julio doesn't even want to know how it got that way. It looks painful, like an actual emergency, unlike his own mark. 

Rahne glares at him like she knows what he's thinking. 

Julio makes a face, but he doesn't leave the line, even if the McDonald's across the road tempts him with egg McMuffins and coffee.

Eventually, the clinic opens. He registers then sits with his arms crossed, tucked into his winter coat. Beside him, Rahne knits a hat, occasionally eyeballing the size of his head. He sighs and wills her to go into the restroom, so he can ditch her and leave. She'll probably forgive him. She's forgiven worse.

His name is called, and he goes in, alone, even though Rahne's more than happy to pretend they're somehow related. He takes off his coat and his shirt, sitting down on the crinkly white paper, waiting. 

"Mr Richter," Dr Reyes says. 

"Hey, doc," he replies. "Rahne made me come in."

"I bet she did. Let's take a look at that arm."

Obediently, he holds it out, and she examines it closely, pressing her gloved fingers to his skin. It's darker than it was yesterday, almost like a bruise, and the itchiness is more persistent, though Rahne's sleeve has helped with that, a little. "It's itchy as hell," he explains, when she doesn't say anything right away, "and it burns now, even when I'm not doing anything to make it burn. Like... _you know_."

"How's your energy level? Any trouble sleeping? Sleeping too much?"

"It's fine. I mean, I sleep as bad as I ever do. Nothing's really changed."

"No fevers? Bruising elsewhere?"

Julio shakes his head. 

Dr Reyes frowns, and he ridiculously feels bad about that. It's not like he wants to be an unsolvable mystery. He'd love to have a soul-mark like Rahne's, which is just in the wrong spot but doesn't come with any sort of physical agony. Hell, he'd probably take a mark on his fucking face right about then.

"Okay, I want you to get some tests done." Dr Reyes ticked a few boxes on a requisition form then handed it to him. "I'll call you when I get the results, but you come back here if it gets worse. We'll find the answer, Julio. It'll just take a bit more time, but there's an explanation somewhere. There always is."

Julio shrugs, because maybe there is, maybe there isn't. He gets dressed again and waits for Rahne to get all her things together before they head across the street for breakfast. He doesn't say anything, and she doesn't ask. They stop at the lab on the way home, and thankfully, he's in and out quickly. They spend the rest of the afternoon on the couch, watching cooking shows. His forearm continues to itch.

~~

That night, Kitty, Illyana and Tabitha come over for pizza and pre-drinking. Julio hides in his room, ignoring the texts Rahne's sending from the living room, telling him to put on something nice. She even slides some pizza under his useless door. With a sigh, he eats it while watching YouTube videos then takes a quick shower and changes into something suitable and long-sleeved. He finally wanders out.

"Hey," he says, going to the fridge and getting something to mix vodka into. He's too sober for this.

"Hey, Ric," Kitty says. Beside her, Illyana nods a hello but doesn't say anything. She creeps him out a little, but Rahne likes her, so maybe she's not as intimidating as she comes across. "How's it going?"

He sits down on the couch between Rahne and Tabitha. "Fine. You?"

"Fine," Kitty replies, clearly trying to be polite, but he's really not in the mood for pleasantries. He doesn't mean to be a dick, but his arm is aching, and he doesn't really want to go out, but he also doesn't want to be an anti-social recluse before he has to be. He has a lifetime of that ahead of him. 

"Are you going to be a downer all night or what?" Tabitha asks, leaning into his space. 

"Leave him alone, Tabby. It was hard enough to get him this far," Rahne says, warm and teasing, and Tabitha scoffs, but she's smiling. Rahne bumps Julio in the ribs with an elbow, and he rolls his eyes.

 _Maybe it won't be so bad_ , he thinks, because it can't really get any worse.

~~

The club is basically hell on earth, but he's buzzed enough that he barely notices. He hangs back against the wall, watching the crowd swell and sway. There's a guy who keeps looking at him, and he's cute enough, but even thinking that is enough to make the pain in his arm spike. _No point encouraging anyone_ , he thinks, rubbing his forearm, _when I'll probably just flinch the entire time_. 

He goes to get another drink. 

"Fuck, you are just so sad," Tabitha tells him, throwing an arm across his shoulders. 

He tries not to stare at it. Her soul-mark looks different depending on the angle. Sometimes, he thinks it's a cannonball. Other times, a sunspot. And from every direction, it looks like something's blowing up, which suits her personality perfectly. Whatever it means, he's never seen her cover it up. Like most people their age, she's still looking, and she's trusting the process because she knows it'll work for her. 

_Lucky_ , he thinks wistfully, before he can clamp it down. 

She grins in his face, smelling like vodka and cranberry juice. "You need to relax. And get me a drink. And come ogle the group of hot guys over there with Rahney and I. They are unbelievably gorgeous." 

"I..." he says then stops. He is not drunk enough to explain the situation to her. "Yeah, whatever."

After he pays for their alcohol, she drags him over to Rahne, sandwiching him between them. Kitty and Illyana are dancing, arms slung possessively around each other, eyes locked. He pulls his gaze away from them, redirecting it to the corner Tabitha is enamoured with. _She isn't kidding_ , he thinks. They are, collectively, the hottest group of dudes he's ever seen. Tall, muscular without looking like they're on steroids, haircuts that probably put them back a few bucks, tailored clothes that are almost too nice.

"I would hit that," Tabitha says. "Any of them. Hell, a couple of them at once."

Rahne blushes. " _Tabby_." 

"Oh, you'd be welcome to join us, Rahney," Tabitha assures her, leering, and Rahne flushes even deeper. "We can save the miserable one in the back for Ric. They both clearly don't want to be here."

His eyes flicker to the dude in question, who he hadn't actually noticed before. He's good-looking in the same way the others are, but he's the only red-head in the group, his hair the same bright orange as Rahne's. Preemptively, Julio puts his hand on his forearm, even though it hasn't started burning yet.

The guy looks at him suddenly, drawn by his sudden movement. His face lacks the easy smiles the others are wearing, expression severe. It doesn't take away from his hotness. If anything, it increases it. 

Julio stares at the guy, breathing hard. The music is still loud, almost deafening, but he barely hears it. 

At that moment, the only thing he's aware of is the stranger glaring at him from across the room, and he wants to... wants to... he keeps waiting for the pain, but it isn't coming. He glances down at his arm as if he can see through the sleeve. When he finally looks up again, the guy is gone. He exhales sharply.

"I have to go," he says abruptly, pushing his half-finished drink at Rahne. She takes it. 

"Okay," Rahne says, clearly confused, but whatever is on his face is enough to signal that something's wrong. Beside her, Tabitha has the good sense to keep her mouth shut. "Do you want company?" 

"No, I'm... I'm fine. I just drank too much. I need some air. I have my phone with me."

He grabs his jacket from coat-check and stumbles outside. It's snowing lightly. He shoves back his sleeve, to check his arm, but it's the same dull bruise from that morning. It doesn't hurt at all. Julio doesn't know what that means, except that something's changed again. He hates when things change. 

He drags a hand across his mouth, thinks about throwing up, doesn't. 

After a few more minutes, standing there under the streetlamp, in the snow, he begins to feel better. 

Eventually, he starts heading home.

~~

He makes it a few blocks before someone steps in front of him, out of the darkness. He smacks into them, stumbling back. "What the fuck," he snaps. "Watch where the fuck you're going, asshole."

Julio looks up, ready to fight, and what stares back... it isn't human. He doesn't know what it is, but it's monstrous, and _it's not fucking human_. He really should have thrown up earlier, because now it's all he wants to do. The thing reaches for him, and he ducks the long fingers. He smacks into a brick wall instead. It moves after him again, faster than he is, and he feels the claws pinch into the flesh of his upper arm.

Julio looks up into the monster's face, grins nastily and spits in its face. 

With a howl, it throws him against the wall. Julio stands up, dazed, breathing hard. He isn't going to go down without a fight. That isn't how Richters die. Richters die on their fucking feet, like his father did.

One second Julio's accepting his fate, and the next the redhead from the club is cutting the monster's head off with two glowing swords, kicking the decapitated body to the ground. Julio bends over and throws up all over the ground, a vile concoction of vodka and pizza spilling from his mouth.

"Are you okay?" the guy asks.

"Yeah, just peachy. I drank too much cheap vodka and a monster tried to kill me. I'm great."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Uh, yeah," Julio replies, glancing at him. He's even more good-looking up close, which Julio wouldn't have thought was even possible. Blue eyes, distinctive nose, full lips, orange brows that match his perfectly coiffed hair. "But it's also the truth. I'm fine. I actually feel much better now. Thanks."

The guy peers at him curiously. "You are remarkably calm about what you just witnessed."

"Yeah, well, it's not the first time someone's head has come off in front of me. As far as these things go, it turns out I kinda prefer the cleanliness of a sword to the explosiveness of a gun. Who knew?" 

The guy looks at him like Julio just asked a serious question, but he isn't quite sure how to answer.

"Listen," Julio says, "I'm just going to leave now. I don't know what just happened, and I don't fucking want to know, so I'm going to walk away and let you clean this mess up. I mean, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind. It is, after all, my mess to clean up, but if I may have a moment?" Julio opens his mouth to say no, but then the guy's hand is on his head, palm flush against his brow. _It's still snowing_ , Julio thinks, _and his touch is very warm_. "Forget," the guy says, looking into his eyes. "You saw nothing."

"Okay, if that makes you feel better," Julio replies.

"Forget," the guy repeats.

"I'm honestly not going to tell anyone. I'm great at repressing terrible shit I've just witnessed."

" _Forget_."

"Fuck you, asshole, I already told you I would," Julio snaps, and the guy looks at him, baffled. "Are you drunk, too? I don't need this in my life. Here, happy? I've forgotten. Who are you? Where am I?"

The guy looks at him for an extended moment. "You haven't forgotten anything," he says with a scowl.

Julio sighs.

~~

The guy does something to the body that causes it to catch on fire – not any type of fire that Julio's ever seen before, but it's hot and close enough – and they watch, side by side, as the monster burns to ashes.

"You must come with me," the guy says. He hesitates before adding, "this is not a request."

Julio eyes his swords, which are still glowing, strapped to his back. The monster, he was pretty sure, was going to kill him, but he just doesn't get the same feeling from this guy, who is clearly lethal. That monster was twice as big as him, and he cut it down like it was nothing. "Are you going to kill me?"

"Not if I don't have to," the guy says, after a pause, which makes Julio snort. 

Julio goes with him because he's not sure what else he can do. Run, maybe, except this guy with the mystical glowing swords looks like he's in much better shape. Screaming probably won't do anything, and if he's being perfectly honest, he doesn't want to run into another monster on his own. He's still way too drunk, for one, and for two, he's a little less willing to die now that the adrenaline's worn off. 

The guy takes him back to an apartment, and they sit at the kitchen table, facing each other, not speaking. Julio looks around, taking in the barren kitchen, the sparse living room. There's a large television and an equally large couch, but the walls are empty and there aren't any small appliances. 

"What's your name?" Julio asks, glancing back at his... whatever this guy is. Saviour. Captor. 

Or something else entirely. Julio doesn't know. 

"You can call me Ben," he says. "And your name?"

"Ric is fine," Julio replies, folding his hands together. "Are we waiting for someone?"

"Yes. My roommate. Arthur. It is my hope that he knows what to do. My magic is not working on you."

"Magic," Julio repeats, scratching a hand through his hair. "What are you?" 

Ben stares at him, mouth drawn into a straight line, and Julio waits for him to decide between lying and telling the truth. He's a bad liar. Ben is not his name, and this other guy they're waiting for is neither his roommate nor Arthur, but it's not like Julio told him the truth either. "I'm a demon," he admits finally.

"You look human."

"For some reason, my glamour works fine on you. Your eyes are more agreeable than your brain."

"I bet you say that to all the boys," Julio replies with a grin, and Ben gives him a panicked look, which is hilarious, all things considered. Julio laughs, feeling some of the tension he's been carrying around leave his body and leans back on his chair, tipping it onto two legs. "Jesus, relax, dude. I'm kidding."

"Don't flirt with me," Ben warns him. "I know I am attractive, but I ask that you ignore that."

"Don't worry, dude," Julio tells him, crossing his arms behind his head. "I've taken a vow of celibacy. And by that, I mean I'm basically an abomination, and it's better that I just avoid any sort of sexy stuff, up to and including flirting. Since we're sharing our secrets and all. What type of demon are you?" 

Ben takes a deep breath. "An incubus," he confesses with a pained expression.

Julio's chair drops back onto four legs with a thump. "I meant, are you the good kind or the bad kind?"

"Good kind," Ben says, after thinking about it, "but I have been told I am a very bad incubus."

Julio doesn't know what to say to that, so he doesn't say anything, just sits there, waiting. 

~~

Julio spends the night sleeping on Ben's kitchen table, using his arms as a pillow. He wakes up when the door to the apartment opens. A blond guy – devastatingly attractive, almost as good-looking at Ben, and clearly another incubus now that Julio knows what to look for – walks in and toes off his leather shoes.

"Did you not get my texts?" Ben asks angrily. "I texted you all night."

"I was busy," Arthur replies, voice smooth and easy. He notices Julio staring and raises an eyebrow. "Oh, I see that you were, too. Hello, my name is" – Ben glares at him – "I guess my name is Arthur."

"Sure," Julio says. "Listen, can I go? My roommate probably thinks I'm dead."

"One moment," Ben tells him, gesturing at Arthur until he clues in and finally follows. Julio watches as they talk to each in a language he doesn't understand, Arthur relaxed, Ben coiled like a snake. He doesn't know what they're talking about, though he assumes it's about him. At one point, Arthur looks over at him and makes a very clear dick-in-mouth gesture with his hand, the side of his cheek bulging. 

Julio makes a face. 

"Fekt!" Ben shouts at him, right in his face, and Arthur shrugs. Ben stomps back to Julio, incensed, and Julio, for once, keeps his fucking mouth shut. "He was of no help," Ben tells him, crossing his arms, glancing down. Julio struggles to keep his face neutral. "And I do not murder innocents. I will let you go, Ric, but please, though you owe me nothing, do not tell anyone what you witnessed tonight."

"I told you I wouldn't _nine hours ago_."

Ben sighs deeply, but at least he looks apologetic. He steps back, letting Julio stand up. Before Julio moves very far, Ben sticks his thumb into his own mouth then wipes it wetly over the back of Julio's neck.

"Gross, dude," Julio says, trying to shake him off. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Trying to protect you from other demons," Ben tells him. "You, unfortunately, smell incredible."

"Whatever," Julio says. "This has been a really fucking weird night. Consider it forgotten."

Ben walks him to the door. Julio doesn't look back as he leaves, even though he wants to. 

He's three blocks away when his arm starts aching again. He hadn't even noticed it had stopped.


	2. Chapter 2

He skips class on Monday because he feels like shit, even after spending most of Sunday sleeping. On Tuesday, he wakes up to find his forearm is a weird inky black all over. It aches unrelentingly, and it's hot under his touch. It's close enough to _worse_ that he goes to the soul care clinic without prompting. 

"I don't know what to tell you," Dr Reyes says after a thorough examination. She writes him a script for a lotion usually used by teenagers showing their adult soul-marks for the first time. Almost everyone is born with _something_ – Julio, of course, is an exception – but almost nobody sees their full mark until their late teens. He used to be envious of his classmates and their pimply, itchy soul-marks.

He was – and probably still is – an idiot. 

Dr Reyes also sends him for another round of tests, even though he knows every one will come back fine. He walks home after getting blood drawn, completely depressed, and sleeps the rest of the day.

He does manage to go to most of his classes and all of his labs for the rest of the week, but he feels like he's in a perpetual daze. Rahne gives him plenty of space, used to his low moods, but she makes sure he always has a mug of hot tea. For the first time, he keeps his arm wrapped up when he's at home.

Thursday night, he waits for Rahne and walks her home. He at least does that.

~~

By Friday night, he is more or less back to normal. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rahne asks, sitting cross-legged on the couch beside him, knitting. 

"Not really," Julio replies. He tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling. The TV's been on all evening, but he can barely remember what they've watched. He still feels fuzzy. "I might go out for a walk," he adds, shifting his gaze to the window. It's snowing, but it's always snowing now. "Clear my head."

"I'm coming with you then," Rahne decides, putting down her mitten, but he shakes his head.

"Need some alone time, Rahney, sorry. I promise I won't disappear all night again."

"You shouldn't joke about that. I was worried." She looks over at him, mouth thinned into an unhappy line. "You scared me, Ric. You may not care what happens to you, but I do. We're in this together."

Julio isn't usually one for touching other people, not when being touched by others is something he _endures_ , but Rahne clearly needs a hug, and so does he. She softens in his arms immediately, burying her face for a brief moment in the crook between his neck and his shoulder. She lets him go with a sigh.

"Dinna get into any trouble, even if you're tempted. _Especially_ if you're tempted," she tells him as he pulls on his coat. "And wear your new hat. It's cold out there, and I don't need you catching a chill."

"Yes, mom," he says, and dodges the skein of yarn she throws at him, laughing. 

~~

He walks around for an hour, aimless, restless. He stands outside the club from the week before, hands tucked into his pockets, before moving on. He passes a few more establishments, with lines of women in tiny dresses shivering, before he finds one that's less busy and heads inside to grab a beer. Probably not the best idea he's ever had, but it has been a fucking week. He sits at the bar and orders a pint. 

He watches the game for a bit – Rangers versus Flyers, he's pulling for the Blueshirts – and nurses his drink. He almost thinks he might have a nice normal night when a guy comes up to him and puts his hand over the back of his neck. Julio flinches hard, because why is this fucking asshole _touching_ him?

"Oh, that's interesting," the guy says, a seductive murmur in his ear. "Aren't you delicious?"

Julio looks at him and smacks his hand away, ignoring the knowing smile. He doesn't know why he can tell now, but it's another fucking incubus, and he's gorgeous in the same way they're all gorgeous. Pain flashes in his arm, sharp and violent, and the incubus makes a face, pressing his hand to his nose.

"And that's unfortunate," he says, glancing down at Julio's arm, clearly disgusted.

Julio is three seconds away from punching him in his fucking gorgeous incubus face. 

"Leave," Ben says, shoving the other incubus out of the way, in the direction of the door. 

"You are such a fuck up," the other incubus says, shaking his head. He laughs in a way that gets Julio's heckles up again, a little too mean even with the words coming out of his mouth. "I hope you know that."

"I do," Ben assures him. The other incubus laughs again, but he leaves. Julio stares into his beer as Ben sits down, waving off the bartender when she approaches. "You should not be here," he says, sighing.

Julio rolls his eyes. He agrees, especially after that weirdness, but he's not going to fucking admit _that_. If there's one thing Julio hates, it's being told what to do. "It's a free country. I can do what I want."

"This is a demon bar," Ben says, and Julio looks at him, unable to hide his surprise. He resists looking around and gawking. Instead, he keeps his eyes locked on Ben's face. Somehow, he's even more good-looking than Julio remembers. He's spent the entire week trying to forget. "You cannot stay here."

"I haven't finished my beer yet," Julio replies, shrugging. "Besides, I just got here. I like the ambience."

"You cannot stay here," Ben repeats. 

Julio takes another sip of beer and shrugs again. "Give me one good reason and maybe I'll consider it."

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"Why do you want me out of here so badly?"

"Because you are a... are a... a pizza surrounded by drunk people!"

"Did you just call me a pizza?"

"I _like_ pizza," Ben says defensively.

"Who doesn't? Pizza's fucking awesome. Do you want to go get some with me?" Julio says it so smoothly that it sounds like he meant to ask it, but it just kind of fell off his tongue. But now that he's said it, he wants it. It had taken him three weeks to find the balls to ask Rahne out. "I know a place."

"If I agree, will you promise to never come back here?" 

"Sure," he says, pretty confident he doesn't even remember what this place is called anyway. 

"Very well," he says.

Julio leaves his beer on the counter, half empty, and follows Ben out the door. 

~~

That's how Julio finds himself eating pizza with an incubus at Lorenzo's. Ben makes faces at every vegetable Julio suggests, so he just orders a large pie with a shit tonne of meat. They sit at a small table in the back, away from the crowd of inebriated college students at the front, and stare at each other. 

Julio breaks the stalemate. "What did you do to my neck?" he asks. Clearly, there's something there, even though he couldn't see anything when he took pictures with his phone. He'd almost asked Rahne to look, but then he would've had to explain the whole chain of events, and he doesn't want to do that. 

He hates lying to her, but he can't tell her the truth. His word still means something to him.

"I put a ward on you. You cannot see it, because your eyes are human, but it warns those who can off."

"It didn't stop that other incubus."

"Because he is an asshole," Ben says, so dryly that Julio barks a laugh. Ben almost smiles at him. It's faint, but Julio thinks he can see a hint of it in his ice blue eyes. "Because he wanted to... with you."

"Fuck me?" Julio asks. 

"Yes, that," Ben agrees, pink around the edges of his face. Julio has the general idea of what incubi are, but everything Ben has said to this point is at odds with that. He's dying to ask Ben what his deal is, but they barely know each other, even if it feels like he's known him forever. "You just smell too good."

"My roommate is really into Lush. I use her shit all the time."

"That is not what I mean."

Julio doesn't ask what he means, just looks away and tries not to smile. He shrugs out of his coat, remembering a beat too late that he's still wearing one of Rahne's knitted sleeves. Ben's eyes flicker down at it, briefly, and Julio tries not to feel self-conscious. He's the only one with his arm covered.

"You are… unattached?"

Julio groans. "Holy shit, dude, were you raised by fucking wolves? You're not supposed to ask. You're supposed to politely look away and not acknowledge the fact I'm clearly not flaunting my soul-mark."

"I was _trained_ by wolves. I was not raised by them," Ben replies. "You humans have too many unspoken rules to abide by. This is why I never… this is your fault for demanding I eat pizza with you."

"You know, that's fair," Julio admits, ignoring Ben's look of surprise. Julio _can_ turn off being an asshole. He just usually doesn't. "I just… it feels, sometimes, like my entire life has been about this fucking thing. I didn't even have anything until, like, three years ago, and what I have now isn't anything that's ever going to help me. So yeah, I'm unattached. I'm going to be unattached for my entire life." 

"You could not… pair with another… unattached person?"

Julio exhales. This is not the conversation he wanted to have while waiting for their pizza. "Maybe some people can. My problem is pretty unique. No, I'm going to get all my schooling out of the way, and then I'm going to move to the middle of nowhere, buy a shack, and live out my life there, alone." 

"I suppose it would be rude to ask what your problem is?"

"Very," Julio assures him. 

Ben doesn't say anything, just looks away, like he wishes he was anywhere but here. Julio pushes his glass of water around the table for a bit. He's pretty fucking close to telling Ben he can just go, but something in him wants Ben to stay, at least a little longer. Nothing hurts when he's talking to him. 

"Were you really trained by wolves?"

"Yes, on Asgard," Ben replies, looking back at him. 

"Asgard," Julio repeats. "As in the Asgard from Norse mythology. Which is a real place." 

"Yes. I also spent some time with the Valkyries." 

"Trained in…?"

"Fighting. Swordsmanship. The mystical arts. Not… what you are likely assuming."

"I'm trying not to assume anything when it comes to you," Julio admits, with a small smile, and Ben relaxes just enough that Julio begins to believe the night can be salvaged. "Listen, can we start over?"

"I think we should," Ben agrees. 

For a moment, Julio thinks they might shake on it. That moment passes, but he's sure Ben was considering it. 

~~

They talk as they eat. Julio learns Ben is really into watching TV and has seen pretty much everything. He can also speak nine languages, which is just overkill, but they switch to speaking Spanish, which is nice. Julio tells him about what he's studying in school and all his grand plans that will eventually lead to researching earthquakes. He has it all planned out, starting with the shack in the middle of nowhere. 

Julio remembers to text Rahne, letting her know he might be a little late. 

"Roommate," Julio explains when Ben raises an eyebrow. He tucks his phone into his coat and turns his attention back to stuffing pizza in his face. "Also my ex-girlfriend but that ended, like, three years ago."

"I see," Ben says, dabbing at his lips with a napkin. He has impeccable table manners, which Julio finds oddly hilarious. He's not sure what he expected. "I was under the impression that you are…"

"Probably gay? Yeah, well, there's a couple reasons that didn't work out. That's definitely one of them." Julio reaches into the box to grab another slice just as Ben does, and their fingers touch briefly. Julio's arm remains mercifully chill about it. "Doesn't matter, though. My vow of celibacy is a real thing."

"Yes, I can tell," Ben says. "Your virginity is quite obvious."

Julio groans. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Ben looks at him, annoyed, halfway through a bite. He swallows before speaking. "No. I am an incubus. I may not be a particularly good one" – Julio snorts – "but I can easily spot a virgin."

"Well, that's just wonderful."

"It is nothing to be ashamed of," Ben assures him. "So am I."

Julio inhales, choking on his pizza, then gulps down a mouthful of water in an attempt to recover. Ben glances over at him but doesn't say anything. It's awkward again, and Julio just doesn't understand why he can't keep his mouth shut around this guy. Ben doesn't seem like the chatty type either, and yet.

And yet.

Julio steers the conversation back to safer topics. They finish the pizza, which Julio immediately regrets because he feels so fucking full now. After that, there really isn't much of a reason to continue monopolizing Ben's time. Julio is sure he has demon things he could be doing, demon things that don't include sex. Julio has never wanted to know someone's story as much as he wants to know Ben's. Julio isn't a guy who makes new friends easily. He barely even remembers how. Usually doesn't want to.

He just hopes he's doing it right. 

As they prepare to leave, he just goes ahead and asks the question bouncing around in his brain. "Hey," he says, with a level of casualness he's not feeling, "can I have your number? Totally platonic, I swear."

Ben looks at him for a moment then holds out his hand. Julio passes over his phone. 

"How do I know you're not giving me some bullshit set of digits?" Julio asks, keeping his voice light and teasing. Not acknowledging him, Ben finishes typing then presses the call symbol. The inside of his coat starts ringing. Julio grins. "Thanks, dude. I promise I won't blow your phone up with memes." 

"I would appreciate that," Ben says dryly, and Julio grins again. 

~~

Rahne doesn't ask where he's been. They both spend the rest of the weekend working on papers, the living room an absolute disaster of Chinese takeout containers and half-eaten bags of chips. Julio's mood is high, the best it's been in a while, and it continues into the week. Two of his professors remark on it, in the middle of class, and he's torn between preening and yelling fuck off. It's so good that even the near constant pain in his arm can't bring him down. By Friday, though, his mark is even weirder.

He finally shows Rahne.

"Crivvens!" Rahne exclaims, pressing a hand to her chest. He thinks she's two seconds away from making the sign of the cross, just in case. Julio bites back his smile, knowing she won't appreciate it right then. "Julio Richter, if you don't get your bloody arse down to the soul care clinic this instant…" 

"Relax. Dr Reyes knows all about it. She has no idea what the fuck is going on either." By now, the black mark has turned almost glassy in its appearance, and it stretches from wrist to elbow. Rahne's fingers hover it, like she wants to touch, and Julio suddenly thinks he shouldn't have shown her. 

"Is it hurting you?"

"Yeah," Julio admits. "I mean, nothing like it did, the night we… so it's been worse. It's itchy, too."

Rahne goes into full mothering mode, including making him call his own mother. He gives his mom an update, downplays every terrible thing in his life and promises to consider coming home for Christmas (he knows he won't). Rahne glares at him the entire time until he asks about his family history again. She's picked up enough Spanish in the years they've lived together that she'll know if he chickens out. 

"You're the only one without a mark, mijo. I can ask your aunt Teresa if she knows anything more."

"No, that's fine," Julio tells her, trying and failing to open a beer one-handed. "I was just wondering."

They talk for a bit longer, and he hangs up. He finally gets his beer open and plops back down on the couch. "Happy?" he asks.

"Not at all," Rahne replies, knitting furiously, eyes fixed on her hands. 

"I'm going to be okay, Rahney."

"You better be," she says, sniffling. 

Julio takes a sip of his beer. He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't want to lie again. 

~~ 

He and Ben text. Ben's not very chatty, but he keeps replying, so at least he hasn't put Julio on ignore yet. It's another few days before Julio sees him again, and that's only because he finally works up the balls to ask if he wants to get sushi. For some reason, possibly due to wolves, Ben's never actually had it.

They meet outside the restaurant. It's brutally cold, the wind howling around them. Ben doesn't have a hat on. Julio thinks he should have brought him one. Rahne's knit him more than he could ever wear.

"You okay with raw shit?" Julio asks before they go in. 

"I have consumed many raw animals in my lifetime. I've enjoyed them all," Ben assures him. 

Julio is still laughing by the time they sit down. They take a few minutes to catch up like they're old friends and not two random dudes who barely know each other. This is the first time they've met up without coercion on either side, which Julio thinks is an improvement. He doesn't have many friends. 

He is pretty sure Ben has even less. 

"Are you unwell?"

Julio looks up from the iPad. He's in charge of ordering, and he's basically getting the entire menu. Between them, he thinks they can get their money's worth, better than he and Rahne ever can. "A little," Julio admits, shrugging. "My soul-mark's been acting up for some fucking reason. School's crazy, too."

"There is nothing they can do for you?"

"You're looking at a bonafide medical mystery," Julio tells him with a grin, thumbing through the list of items before hitting send. When he glances up again, Ben is frowning deeply. "Don't worry about it, dude. This is nothing new for me. So what about you? What have you been up to? Anything exciting?"

"No," Ben replies. "I have watched a lot of television. I have worked out a lot. I killed six demons."

"Congratulations?"

"It should have been more," Ben says, shrugging. At Julio's look of interest, he actually offers more. "We are an endangered species. We – _they_ – have a lot of intercourse, but it rarely results in a child, and even more rarely is that child a demon. If it was up to them, they would spend their entire lives in bed."

"I'm not sure that's strictly an incubus thing," Julio says, making a face. 

"Perhaps not, but... there are those who would see us come to harm. Who would capture us when we are distracted by other things. Which rarely ends well, for anyone." Ben's expression is grim as he adds, "our semen has magical properties. It is highly valued. Unfortunately, it makes us a target as well."

"Am I allowed to know this?" he asks, trying to play it cool. He doesn't want a repeat of that first night, but he also doesn't know how to respond to the words _semen_ and _magical properties_ in the same sentence, because _what the fuck_. His life is exponentially weirder with Ben in it, but it doesn't feel like a bad thing. At least not yet, but Julio basically goes through life waiting for everything to go to shit.

"Yes. That ward is the same one we use for our long-time companions. They will not know the difference. It is already a subject of great mirth for them." Ben takes a drink of water, clearly angry, and Julio just sits back and listens. If there's ever been a guy who needed to vent, Julio thinks it's him. "They take nothing seriously. I should have stayed in Asgard. There is no reason for me to be here."

"Why'd you come back?" 

"Someone told me I was needed here," Ben says. "I have yet to see any evidence of that fact."

"So while they're all busy fucking, you're busy fighting. That doesn't seem fair."

"It is how I prefer it. I have never fit in with them. I was raised, in part, by my human mother." Julio tries to hide his surprise but knows he's failed miserably when Ben sighs. "It was not obvious when I was born that I was a demon. I appeared human. It took several years for it to become… obvious." 

"They took you away from your mom?"

"Humans cannot raise demons," Ben says, voice flat. "Or so I have been told anyway."

"That's shitty, dude."

Ben shrugs. He takes another drink of water, staring out the window. "It is what it is."

"You want me to change the subject?"

"Please," Ben says, and Julio does.

~~

After that, he and Ben meet up more often. Ben is usually available to join him for lunch if the breaks between his classes are long enough. He doesn't know how to tell Rahne he's befriended an unconventional incubus so he just… _doesn't_. He's not sure why. She has a whole group of friends outside of him, and he's really only ever had her, so he tells himself it's because Ben's a demon.

Part of him still doesn't believe it, but soulmates are a real thing, so why can't demons be, too?

"Do demons do the soulmate thing?" he asks over lunch, poking at his steaming pho with his chopsticks. He's starving, but he knows if he tries to eat it now, he's going to lose all the skin in his mouth. _Still_ , he thinks, pushing the noodles around, _it'd heal eventually_. It smells so fucking good. 

"No," Ben replies. He's picked all the onions out and set them down into a small, neat pile on a napkin. "That is unique to humans, though some of us do remember the times before your souls mutated."

"Oh, fuck, is this where you tell me you're centuries old?"

"No, I am twenty-five," Ben assures him. Julio relaxes a little. "But the others are all considerably older. Except for my father, who is only sixty-three." He peers curiously at Julio. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-two. I'll be twenty-three in January, though. And in case you're doing the math, I took time off between _bachillerato_ and starting college here to bum around Europe for a bit. It was good for me."

Ben nods, letting the conversation trail off. With his chopsticks, he stirs his pho, staring down at it. 

"Do you keep in contact with your dad?" Julio asks. 

Ben looks up at him, noodles halfway to this mouth. He nods. "You've met him," he says, "briefly." 

"Shit, is your father the guy who wanted to fuck me because I smelled good?"

"No," Ben says, looking faintly disgusted at the suggestion, and Julio exhales sharply. He can handle the current level of weirdness. Anything more, though, might be hard to take. "Arthur is my father. He would not do that to me if he saw you wore my ward. And he is exclusively interested in women." 

"Huh," Julio says. 

"He is more forgiving of my faults than the others. I suppose he must be since I am his only child, but…" Ben trails off and shrugs. "He was a very young father by our standards when I was born, and I was not an easy child to parent alone. He did the best he could with an unfortunate situation. He took me to Asgard when it became obvious I was miserable here. He allows me to live with him now."

"My bar is probably pretty low for this sort of thing, but he sounds decent." It comes out bitter, and Ben looks at him for a long time, not asking, but Julio feels compelled to tell him everything anyway. "My dad cared more about the family business – about guns – than me as a person. When I was born without a soul-mark, it seemed natural I would succeed him. Long story short, he got his brains blown out."

Ben puts down his chopsticks. "That night I killed that demon, you said…"

"Father of the year, right, taking his kid to work? It was a long time ago. I was seven years old." Julio shrugs like it's no big deal when it's the reason he hasn't slept through the night in fifteen years. Ben doesn't look fooled. "On the plus side, I got a decent chunk of money out the whole thing, and it meant I could come to America to study without, like, going bankrupt. I guess he did one good thing for me." 

"Where were you born?"

"Guadalajara, Mexico. I miss it every day. Especially when fucking winter rolls in."

"It is so cold," Ben says, like even admitting it is a weakness, and Julio grins. It's also the perfect segue for something he's felt too weird about going through with, for some weird reason. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a hat, a scarf and a pair of mittens. Ben takes them, despite looking deeply suspicious.

"Did you knit these?" he asks.

"Nah, my roommate did. I have, like, thirty full sets at this point. She stress knits."

"She will not mind if you give these away?"

"She loves hopeless causes. If she knew you existed, you'd be getting your own."

"You can tell her," Ben says, tugging the hat over his head, leaving a sweep of hair visible. He looks great, Julio thinks, forcing his mind to go blank before his thoughts drift into dangerous territory. He can acknowledge when people look good. His soul-mark has always been fine with stating the obvious.

"Everything?"

"You trust her," Ben say, more a statement than a question, but Julio nods anyway. He watches, impartial, detached, as Ben wraps a scarf around his neck. How he touches the wool like it's precious. _Who are you?_ Julio thinks, trying to map how he got here. It's only been weeks. It feels like an eternity.


	3. Chapter 3

He gets a call from Dr Reyes and goes in to see her, but he's had a good string of days, and the tests didn't show anything anyway. She looks at his arm again, but the soul-mark is holding steady. Still weird as fuck looking, but it hasn't hurt or itched or anything for a while. He doesn't get too excited. 

He gets two papers back, decent marks on both of them, and spends three solid nights at the library, reading through the list of journal articles he's behind on. He texts Ben off and on, just for the distraction, and also brainstorms how to tell Rahne that demons exist and he's befriended one of them.

He resolves to do it on Thursday night, right outside of the church, in case she wants to go back in.

"You're finally going to tell me what you've been hiding then," she says the moment she sees him.

"That obvious, huh?"

"Now that I know what to look for," she replies kindly, and they share a small smile, tinged with shared sorrow. They love each other deeply, and Julio is a little afraid that he might lose some of it. He's also afraid of making the world even worse for her. Rahne grew up believing in fairy-tales. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. But you should probably sit down for this. I'm about to rock your world."

Rahne sits beside him and holds his hand as he tells her about Ben, starting at the very beginning. He thinks, if it had been anybody else who was telling her even half of this story, she wouldn't have believed them. But he can tell from the look on her face that she believes every strange word of it. 

"An incubus," Rahne repeats, chewing on her lower lip, "named Ben?"

"He's lying about his name," Julio replies, "but he's not lying about being an incubus. I'm sure."

"How sure?"

"One hundred percent."

Rahne looks over at the church then back at him. "I'm tempted to pray for your soul," she admits, smiling as she squeezes his hand, "but if you say he's the good kind, demon or no, then I'll believe you." He smiles gratefully, relief washing over him. "Do you want to invite him for Thanksgiving?"

"I don't think he'd come."

"You won't know if you dinna ask," Rahne replies, and he suddenly wants to. It'd be nice to have someone there who's _his_. He likes Xi'an a lot and has learned to tolerate Tabitha, but they're Rahne's friends. Rahne waits as he sends a quick text to Ben, and smiles when Ben responds immediately with a single _ok_. He sends the details – rough starting time, his address, the suggestion from Rahne that he bring a bag of buns – then puts his phone away. "I can't wait to meet him," she adds with a warm smile. 

"It's not like that," he warns her because he doesn't like her tone, what he thinks she's implying. He feels the old anger bubble up inside him, and he pushes it back down. "You know it can't be. I won't be happy with half of what I want. It's all or nothing for me, and nothing's all I'm ever going to have."

"Hush, I know," she says gently. "I just want you to believe you're worthy of having a friend."

"I already have a friend," he says, leaning into her, eyes closed. "I have you."

"And you always will. But that makes for a very lonely life, Ric. Your heart is bigger than that."

He wants to tell her it isn't. That he's successfully made his heart as small as he can, so when he finally goes away, there won't be anyone left behind. Sometimes, he resents her prominence in his life, because she makes everything so much harder. So he wants to tell her, but he can't force the words of his mouth.

Julio doesn't like telling lies.

~~

He buys a gigantic turkey after classes on Monday and carries it home in his arms. He puts it in the fridge to defrost and then it's just a matter of waiting out the week until school closes for the long weekend. He checks his phone constantly, convinced Ben is going to cancel, but he never actually does.

Julio is still surprised to see him standing in the hallway after Rahne buzzes him in. 

"Hey," Julio says, "come in. You can put your boots wherever there's room. Is it still snowing?"

"Yes," Ben replies, bending down to unzip his boots. He's wearing Rahne's hat and scarf, and Julio looks behind to see she's also noticed that. Her expression is unreadable. He hopes his is, too. Ben stands up to his full height, a bag of buns hanging from his fingers. "This is a very nice home," he adds.

"It's a shit-hole, dude," Julio replies with a grin, and Ben's expression softens slightly. Julio lets the moment linger a little before he speaks again. "Ben, this is my roommate, Rahne. Rahne, this is Ben."

"It is a pleasure to meet you," he says with a slight bow of his head. 

"You, too," Rahne replies, giving Julio a look that he can't even begin to decipher. She looks a little pink around the edges, though, and maybe he did downplay certain… attributes. "Come in and make yourself comfortable. Can I offer you a beverage? Do you like tea? Proper tea. I just made a fresh pot."

Ben accepts the offer, and helps with the sweet potatoes, and turns out to have read every romance novel on Rahne's bookshelf. Ben is going out of his way to be friendly towards Rahne. Julio thinks Ben might actually be doing it for him, which is weird, but he wants them to like each other, so he shuts up.

Xi'an and Tabitha show up together, shaking the snow off their coats. It takes them a moment to notice the new person. For years, it's been the three international students and their American friend. Rahne told him, once, about Tabitha's father. It went a long way to thawing his feelings towards her.

Julio's intimately familiar with shitty families. He knows how hard it is to get away. 

Tabitha, as usual, blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. "Holy shit, you're that gorgeous guy from the club a few weeks ago," Tabitha says after they're introduced. "How'd you end up knowing this loser?" 

"I saved him from a …" – Julio forces his expression to go blank, just in case – "mugging."

Tabitha snorts. "Little did they know there was nothing to steal."

Julio rolls his eyes. "Are you done?" he asks. 

"Almost," Tabitha promises him. "I haven't made fun of that stupid shirt you're wearing yet."

~~

Dinner is good. The turkey is a little dry, but that's practically a yearly tradition, too. Tabitha makes increasingly complicated cocktails, and Julio accepts every single one of them, body warm and loose. Ben also drinks but in moderation. Both Rahne and Tabitha keep staring at him as Ben pretends not to notice. Xi'an is friendly towards him – she also watches a lot of TV – but nowhere near the same way.

"They are responding to the fact I am an incubus," Ben explains in the kitchen, holding the stack of dirty plates Julio gathered from the table. In the other room, Rahne, Tabitha and Xi'an laugh about something, cutting through the background noise of the football game. Idly, he wonders what's so funny. "But I cannot change a person's nature. I believe Xi'an would prefer if I was a... _succubus_."

Julio snorts, shuffling over so Ben can squeeze in beside him. Ben's on dish-drying duty. 

"Relax, dude, that's nothing she doesn't already know." Julio takes the dishes and slides them into the water. "Rahne's friends are all lesbians. Except for Tabitha, who basically doesn't give a shit one way or the other." He passes the first clean plate to Ben, who immediately wipes it down with a towel. "Oh, and everything she brought is spiked, even the Rice Krispie squares, so consider yourself warned."

"Noted," Ben says, taking the next plate Julio hands over and quickly buffing it dry. "This is my first Thanksgiving in a very long time."

"Not a thing incubi celebrate?" 

"No. People are especially lonely on holidays. We – _they_ – are usually busy elsewhere."

"I guess that makes sense," Julio admits, a little uneasy, and Ben glances back into the main room. Julio follows his gaze to where Rahne, Xi'an and Tabitha are grouped around Tabitha's phone, still laughing. 

"We are not preying on them," Ben explains, low, almost impossible to hear. Julio continues scrubbing at the plate in his hand. "We are trying to make them feel cherished and desired and happy. We have been misrepresented in literature. There is nothing more off-putting than an unwilling partner." 

"So all that stuff on the internet…?"

"Half-truths, at best. Our magic is strongest at night, that part is correct, but there is nothing that limits us to nighttime activities. And we do not force children on our partners. We never have. It is only that birth control is more common now, and it fell out of fashion to have unprotected sex with strangers."

"You don't have to explain," Julio says faintly, feeling like he might be blushing, which is ridiculous. He has had to talk about sex to Dr Reyes so many times. He should be completely desensitized to this topic by now. "It's okay."

"I just wanted you to know."

Julio nods, staring down into the bubbles, aware of Ben's eyes on him. He doesn't know what to say or what Ben wants him to say. The moment stretches between them like it did that night in the club. He doesn't know how long they stand there, still, silent, before Rahne appears, pink-cheeked and tipsy. 

"It's time to take the pies out," she says, tugging on the oven mitts. "I hope you still have room, Ben."

"I have a healthy appetite," Ben assures her.

"Oh, good." Rahne blinks slowly, swaying slightly, and Julio makes a mental to note to ensure she drinks a lot of water before going to bed. "Has anyone ever told you what a bonnie lad you are, Ben?"

"Yes. Quite often."

"Good. That's very good. Julio never mentioned it. Was beginning to doubt my own eyes."

"You are so drunk right now, Rahney," Julio says, grinning, steering her towards the living room. Tabitha is encouraging Xi'an to chug her drink, loudly and enthusiastically. He pulls off her oven mitts, tucking them under his armpit, then wipes his own hands dry on his jeans. "Leave the pies to me."

"Okay. Don't burn yourself," she tells him, taking the mitts from him and sliding them over his hands. 

"Sorry about that," he says after Rahne wanders off. He opens the oven and starts taking the pies out, apple, blueberry and peach-raspberry. "She can't hold her liquor, and it's pretty much our Thanksgiving tradition that we all get wasted on cheap booze, eat pie and play Settlers of Catan until midnight." 

"Do you want me to leave?" 

"No, why?" 

Ben shrugs. 

"If it's not your scene or whatever, we can do something else. I'm still pretty sober."

"I don't have a scene," Ben says, looking at him. "I want to stay."

"Good because I want you to," Julio admits, and Ben smiles at him.

~~

They drink, and eat, and laugh for hours. When the pies are gone, they switch to Tabitha's Rice Krispie squares. Ben seems a little overwhelmed by the whole situation, but he doesn't look uncomfortable or like he's having a terrible time. Julio's glad for that. At some point, Tabitha passes out on the couch, snoring loudly, and they switch to cards. Ben is uncannily good at euchre. He makes a great partner. 

It's snowing pretty hard outside, the streetlights invisible from the window. Rahne starts fretting the moment she notices, too drunk to be reasoned with. "Shan, Ben, you both are staying here tonight, no exceptions. I'll not have either of you freezing to death in a snowbank because you drank too much."

Xi'an smiles. "That's probably for the best," she agrees. She yawns widely, hand pressed to her mouth.

"Do we even have enough room for five people?" Julio asks, standing up on wobbling legs.

Rahne tsks at him, already pulling a blanket over Tabitha, tucking her in tightly. "We'll make do. You and I can share, and we'll move to Tabby to my room to share with Shan. Ben can take the couch."

"Too complicated," Julio replies, swaying a little. He really needs to drink some water, or he's going to be useless tomorrow. "Tabitha sleeps like the dead, and you and I both know nothing's waking her now. You and Xi'an take your bed. Ben can bunk with me. That okay, dude?" He pokes Ben with his toe.

"Fine," Ben replies.

"If you're sure," Rahne says, chewing on her lip, worrying. 

Julio waves her off because yeah, he's sure. Ben stands up and follows him into his bedroom, hovering in the doorway as Julio roots around in his dresser for something Ben can sleep in. "Here," he says, tossing him a t-shirt and some shorts. "If you're uncomfortable with this, I can crash on the floor."

"You have a double bed," Ben says, which isn't an answer. 

Julio shrugs and turns around, unzipping his jeans and pushing them off his hips. He tugs on a pair of sweatpants then plops down on the edge of the bed. He remembers that he should have grabbed some water, but it's too late now. He's not moving again. He closes his eyes to the sight of Ben's naked back. 

"I have never been drunk," Ben tells him. 

"Isn't it fun?" Julio replies, opening his eyes when the mattress sinks with Ben's weight. "I mean, we're both going to feel like shit tomorrow, and I don't know about you, but the room is spinning like crazy."

"It is," Ben confirms. 

Julio laughs as they shuffle around a little, getting comfortable. He pulls the comforter over them and hesitates a moment before tucking a pillow between them. "My soul-mark tries to kill me sometimes, so that's a me thing, okay? I'm just being safe. You probably don't want me screaming in your ear."

"It hurts you?"

"Yeah, when I fuck up," Julio mumbles. "Don't worry about it."

Ben doesn't say anything, and Julio hopes his feelings aren't hurt because it's _really_ not Ben that he's worried about. Awake, he feels in control of his actions, of his feelings, but asleep… who the hell knows. He doesn't risk it with Rahne, either, but she knows exactly what the pillow's trying to stop.

 _Maybe this is a bad idea_ , he thinks, but he can't make himself get up and switch everyone around. 

"I have never slept in the same bed with someone I am not related to," Ben says suddenly. 

"Nowhere to go but up, then, after this," Julio replies, keeping his voice light, and Ben makes a rumbling sound that could almost be a laugh. Julio smiles into the dark. "No sleepovers as a kid?"

"No. There were no other children around."

"And I couldn't get a moment alone. I have a huge family. Brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles. I don't really talk to any of them anymore," Julio says, the words tumbling out of his mouth. He's drunk and tired and the room keeps spiralling around him, but he wants this night to last just a little longer.

"Why don't you speak with them?"

"Because they thought I didn't have a soul," he says, rolling onto his side. He isn't surprised to see Ben's already facing him, almost completely swallowed up by the dark. "Because I always knew I did. Growing up without a mark, when you're human, usually means bad things. Like, fucked up things."

"It is a flawed system. You clearly possess one. I can tell by looking at you."

"I guess I needed more demons in my life," he replies with a small smile. "What do you look like?"

"Like a demon," Ben says. "It is obvious. I am only this handsome because of an illusion."

"I bet you're still pretty handsome," Julio says softly, barely able to look at him when he says it. He doesn't know how much Ben can see. If he can see everything. "What colour are your eyes? Still blue?"

"No. Gold."

"Do you have a tail?"

"No tail," Ben says, a smile in his voice, even if Julio can't see it, "but I do have fangs and horns."

"Horns? Really?"

"Yes," Ben says, and Julio thinks that's the end of it, but then Ben folds his hand over the back of Julio's and guides it to his forehead. Julio's breath catches in his throat as Ben places it over what can only be a horn. It's hard, almost like stone, and it feels like it's twisted, somehow, in a way he can't visualize. 

"Wow, that's way smaller than I expected," Julio says before he can stop himself. 

"I am still very young by incubus standards," Ben replies, defensive. 

"Hey, I'm sure they look very impressive," Julio assures him, unable to keep the laughter from his voice. Ben sighs deeply, but it doesn't sound angry or anything, so Julio doesn't worry he said the wrong thing. "They're cool. Thanks for letting me, you know, feel them. I had no idea they were there."

"That is the point," Ben replies, moving Julio's hand away from his head, "but you are welcome."

Julio nods, tucking that hand under his arms, burrowing deeply into his hoodie. He's incredibly hot – he never sleeps in anything more than his underwear and a tank top – but he doesn't want his arm exposed, not with so many other people in the apartment. But he thinks if it had only been Ben, it would have been okay. 

He wouldn't have minded him seeing.

~~

November blends into December. Julio is busy with several semester-ending projects and getting ready for finals. He and Ben meet up every few days and text daily about nothing of consequence. Ben comes over sometimes, to watch TV and hang out. Rahne stress knits him a collection of stylish wool hats.

On the third of December, National Soulmates Day, Julio wakes up in a terrible mood, his arm burning. He drops his toothbrush, his razor and his cup of coffee before he takes his right arm – his dominant one – out of commission for the day. It's been too good for too long, especially with how messed up his head feels. Most days, he thinks he can do this thing with Ben as a friend. Today is not one of them. 

He thinks maybe he was dreaming about him. He thinks maybe that's why his arm hurts so much.

When Rahne shuffles into the kitchen, she's wearing the same outfit she had on the day they met. It's not, in Julio's experience, a good sign. 

Julio puts a plate of waffles down in front of her, covered in thinly sliced strawberries and an obscene amount of maple syrup. He plops down in the opposite seat, sipping his coffee, mug steaming in his left hand. Eventually, he tucks into his own plate. It's clumsy. He just isn't very good with his left hand.

"What a sorry lot we are," Rahne says after a while.

"Yeah, just pathetic," he agrees, smiling. 

The day is hard. It is every year. Soulmates dress to match, pairs and groups laughing and celebrating. Those who are still looking keep their marks proudly displayed, despite the freezing weather. They, as a species, are only a few decades removed from the days before the marks started showing up. Within a generation, almost everyone had them. Those who didn't, never would, and that meant something, too.

Julio has lived his life as both, and he honestly doesn't know which one is better. 

He minds his own business for the rest of the day. Knocks strangers away when they try to loop plastic beads around his neck. Ignores how many people look like they're six seconds away from fucking in public. Keeps his fingers dug into his arm, the pain unrelenting. He feels like even more of a freak, though his professors and TAs are all professional, reminding everyone present that this is a _classroom_.

Julio's the only one with his arm hidden. Everyone knows exactly who the problem is. 

By late afternoon, he's had just about enough of humanity. He texts Ben. _Hey_ , he types, slow, with his left thumb, _what's up?_ He doesn't know if Ben knows what today is or not. His phone buzzes instantly. 

_Longshot was attacked_ , Ben's text message reads. Julio knows, instinctively, that he means Arthur.

_Can I do anything? Is he ok?_

It takes Ben a few minutes to reply. _Could you watch him for a few hours?_

Julio texts back. _Yeah, sure, of course. Remind me again of your address? I was distracted last time._

Ben sends over his address, and Julio is there twenty minutes later. Ben is dressed in body armour, swords strapped to his back. Julio doesn't need to ask where he's going or what he's planning to do, not after he sees the shape Arthur's in. His face is swollen beyond recognition, and he has what look like claw marks all over his body, edges caked with blood. His injuries have been crudely stitched closed. 

Ben takes one last look at Arthur before he leaves. "If any of his wounds re-open, please call 911, but only if you must. His physiology is very clearly not human. It will be difficult to explain what he is."

"Will he be okay?"

"With time and rest, he should be." 

"And you?"

"I am fine," Ben says, brusque, but there's something in his tone that Julio doesn't like. It must show on his face because Ben softens slightly. "This is not a suicide mission. I have no doubt in my abilities."

"And if you don't come back, for some reason?" 

"The others will come for him eventually. Please do not leave him alone until they do."

With that, Ben leaves through the balcony, jumping over the side and disappearing into the growing darkness. Julio checks in on Arthur again, just to be sure, then goes into the living room and turns on the television. He sends a quick text to Rahne, warning her that he might not be home tonight. His arm continues to throb, and he tucks it tightly against his belly. _This has been a terrible day_ , he thinks.

~~

Ben returns after midnight. Julio's half asleep on the couch, head propped up on one hand, watching _Die Hard_. Ben is covered in what appears to be blood and walks straight from the balcony door into the bathroom. Julio hears the shower turn on and starts looking on his phone for pizza places that are still open and deliver. When the water turns off, Julio knocks on the door. "Are you hungry?" he asks.

"Yes," Ben replies. He stays in the bathroom until the pizza arrives. Julio pays the delivery person as Ben goes into Arthur's room, not turning on the light. Julio locks the door and starts looking for plates. 

Julio waits until they've both had a slice before he speaks again. "Everything okay?"

Ben nods. "I apologize if my actions tonight have disturbed you," he says stiffly. 

"I'm pretty unflappable about this sort of stuff. Don't worry about it," Julio says with a shrug. He grabs another slice, putting it on his plate. "Besides, it was a distraction from the shittiest day of the year. Normally this day ends with Rahne and me on the couch, eating cake and feeling sorry for ourselves." 

"What type of cake?"

"Chocolate. Kitty and Illyana – who you haven't met, but, spoiler alert, they're lesbians – are with her. They're soul-bonded, but they're pretty low-key about it." Julio wills himself to stop talking because he feels like he's babbling, but Ben looks interested. "I never told you how Rahne and I met, did I?" 

Ben shakes his head. 

"Biology 101, first class of the year. I'm in, like, my punk phase, mohawk, leather jacket with spikes on it, incredibly angry demeanour. I've been in the US for, like, two weeks, and I don't know anybody. My plan is to sit at the back and learn without being stared at. I get to the room, and there's this tiny woman in a sleeveless blouse and a plaid skirt down to her knees, sitting all prim and proper in the front row. Completely bare arms and giving no shits. I had never met anyone else without a soul-mark before."

"But you both have one," Ben says.

"Kind of? I didn't then. Or at least I thought I didn't have one," Julio replies, making a face. Ben doesn't press beyond that, so Julio continues with his story. "I don't know why, but I took off my coat – I was wearing this ratty t-shirt that I had cut to shit with a pair of scissors – and sat down beside her. So she knew she wasn't alone. Or so I knew I wasn't alone. Anyway, that's how we met. I didn't find out till later that she does actually have a mark. It's just on her stomach. But people make assumptions, right?"

"How long did you date for?"

"Nine months," Julio replied. "We moved in together after two, which, yeah, I know, too fast. But her roommate turned out to be an asshole, like, a soul purist. She wasn't safe there, and I had an empty room. I didn't want to live with anybody, but I also didn't really get how fucking expensive this city is."

"You're very close with her."

"Yeah. We've been through a lot together. We misfits gotta stick together, right?"

He grins at Ben, making it clear he's included in that. Ben nods. "She calls you Julio," he says.

"That's my name. Julio Esteban Richter. Most people just call me Ric, have since I moved here. Only mi Madre and Rahne call me Julio, and she mostly just calls me that when she's annoyed with me." 

"May I call you that, regardless if I am annoyed or not?" 

"Yeah," he says, voice a little rough. He rubs his arm idly but keeps his gaze locked on Ben's face. He still can't picture the horns. "What is your actual name? Since we're being so honest with each other."

"Shatterstar," Ben replies easily, like he's been waiting for Julio to ask. "My true name is Shatterstar."

Julio almost laughs but catches it at the last moment. He grins instead. "It suits you."

"Does it?"

Julio nods. 

"I'm glad you think so," Shatterstar says, and Julio knows he means it, feels the truth of his words. He _looks_ like a Shatterstar, which is sort of crazy, but it's the perfect name for him. "You may continue to call me Ben if that is easier for you. But Arthur would definitely prefer to be called Longshot." 

"I always knew Ben wasn't your real name," Julio tells him, and Ben looks at him, surprised. Julio smiles. "I can call you Shatterstar. That's no problem, but I gotta warn you, you're probably going to end up with a nickname. Do you have a preference? Has anyone ever called you Shatty? Shatter? _Shatts_?"

"None of those," he says, "and if you value our friendship, you will not be the first one who does."

Julio barks a laugh. "Okay. I've got another one. What about Star?"

He thinks about it then nods. "That's acceptable."

Julio smiles. _Star it is_ , he thinks. They finish most of the pizza, leaving a few slices for Longshot, who Shatterstar swears will wake up starving. Incubi heal quickly, apparently. It's late by the time Julio thinks about leaving, but Shatterstar just looks at him and says, "you are welcome to remain here."

Julio scratches a hand through his hair. "The couch?"

"My bed," Shatterstar replies, voice even, face betraying nothing. 

"Okay, sure," he says. It was fine last time, he assures himself. His arm doesn't hurt any worse or any less than it has all day, and a pillow was enough to keep him from humping Shatterstar in his sleep. 

Julio sleeps in his sweatshirt and a borrowed pair of athletic shorts. Compared to the rest of the apartment, Shatterstar's bed is an extravagance. King-sized, silk sheets, the most comfortable surface Julio has ever laid down on. He's also keenly aware that he's only the second person to ever sleep in it.

"This is a really nice bed," he says, a little sly, a little teasing. He needs this to feel like a joke. 

Shatterstar sighs deeply. "Longshot can tolerate my eccentricity to a point. This is that point."

"I didn't think incubi brought people home very often."

"We don't," Shatterstar tells him then adds, "our beds are important to us. To be shared with only those we trust. We are vulnerable when we sleep." He pauses. "It is not something I ever expected to do."

"Then I'm honoured to be the first," Julio says, grinning. Shatterstar's room isn't as dark as his is – it has windows, for one, and light filters in from outside, highlighting the shadows on their faces – and he can clearly make out his features. There's a look of open longing on Shatterstar's face that startles him. 

Julio stares back him, barely breathing, digging his fingers into his wrist to stave off the inevitable agony of _wanting_ someone he can't have. He doesn't care that it's mutual. It almost makes it worse. 

_Don't_ , he thinks, but he doesn't know which one of them he's speaking to.


	4. Chapter 4

As the end of the semester approaches, Julio gets crazy busy. It's good, because it puts space between him and Shatterstar, and it's bad, because his arm is actively trying to kill him. He just doesn't have time right now to deal with whatever is going on with it. He spends his days studying in a fevered haze. He shows up to his final exams – he's pretty sure he even writes them – but his memories are foggy. 

He somehow makes it through, though he'll never know how. 

"I assume you aren't up for celebrating with us?" Rahne asks, bringing him a cool cloth and draping it over his brow. It's an annual tradition, to drink their brains out and dance like maniacs till the club shuts down, but he can't make himself get off the couch. "You should go to the clinic. I'll come with you."

"It looks worse than it is," he murmurs, eyes half-closed. "I just need some sleep."

"You're soaking through your clothes," Rahne replies. "You can't fool me, Julio Richter."

While they're arguing, his phone buzzes a bunch of times. It's Shatterstar, because nobody other than Shatterstar (and Rahne, who presses a hand to his brow and frowns deeply) texts him. Just because Julio hasn't seen him in a few days doesn't mean he's been able to stop himself from blowing up his phone. He knows it's a little pathetic, but... he just can't stop. He doesn't want to stop, even if it hurts. 

"Are you going to answer him?" Rahne asks.

Julio doesn't say anything.

"Or do you plan on waiting until I'm not looking, in case I notice something you think I shouldn't?"

Julio glances away. He hates being caught red-handed.

"You're a fool, Julio Richter," Rahne murmurs, sounding fond even though Julio doesn't deserve it. 

"I like him too much," Julio tells her. It feels like the worst thing he's ever admitted to. He knows better.

Rahne hums sympathetically, stroking his face, but she also takes it upon herself to text something back. "If you don't want me tending to you, you should have him. I cannot leave you alone in this sorry state." She sweeps his sweaty hair off his forehead with gentle fingers. "He says he'll gladly come."

Julio doesn't say anything, so she takes that as a yes. He dozes while she gets ready and barely moves when the others show up, dressed to the nines and ready to have fun. Even Tabitha is polite enough to ignore him. He can only imagine what he looks like, curled up, shivering in his drenched sweatshirt.

Shatterstar arrives right as they're getting ready to leave. Rahne drags him into her room, their voices a murmur he can't make heads or tails of. He's mostly asleep by that point anyway. It's been a long week. 

~~

When Julio wakes up, it's dark except for the glow of the television. The sound it set so low he can barely hear it. He has his bare feet in Shatterstar's lap, and one of Shatterstar's hands is folded over his ankle. It is the most intimately anyone other than Rahne has touched him in years. He almost cries.

"How are you feeling?" Shatterstar asks. 

"Like shit," he replies with a shaky laugh. He rubs a hand briskly over his face. "Welcome to my life. It's not usually this bad, but I guess I'm really stressed out or something, I don't know. It's soul sickness. There's not much they can do for it, because nobody can figure out why my soul-mark acts like this."

"Is it still rude to ask what your problem is?"

Julio laughs again. After a brief struggle with his blankets, he sits up, pulling his feet out of Shatterstar's lap and crossing his legs. "I mean, if you really wanna know, I'll tell you. It used to just be pain in two very specific situations. One pretty avoidable, the other... not so much, but I was doing okay." Shatterstar looks at him, curious, and Julio knows he didn't answer the question. "I can't go near holy places. Like churches and shit. Which is fine, because I feel pretty abandoned by the whole thing."

"Were you religious?"

"Yeah," Julio admits with a small shrug, like it's no big deal. He crosses his arms, eyes shifting away from Shatterstar's face. "The other is basically limited to when I feel horny. So I just... don't. Or I try not to. My body and my brain don't always agree, but I try. I try really fucking hard. Fail a lot, too." He tips his head forward, sweat rolling off his brow. "One guess what happened when I had a girlfriend?"

"I'm sorry," Shatterstar says. 

"Yeah, well, there was a lot of crying. Mostly from me. I was pretty convinced I was being punished for, you know, probably being gay. For not telling her. I wanted to give her a really special night, but we ended up at the soul care clinic for hours. She was more worried about me than anything else."

"She cares about you deeply."

"I know," Julio replies, with a sad smile. "I'd been ignoring my soul-mark for months. I mean, I still couldn't see that anything was there, but I'd get these intense flashes of pain, sometimes, in my arm. In the beginning, I could mostly ignore everything, you know? And it was fine. Rahne wasn't in any rush."

Shatterstar doesn't say anything. Julio appreciates that. He can't handle sympathy right now. 

"She just thought I had a low sex drive." Julio snorts, shaking his head. "I fucking wish. I practically used to live with my hand down my pants before all this shit started. Guiltily, of course. I was pretty deep in that closet." He risks a glance at Shatterstar, who looks back at him, completely neutral. "It was a fucking mess, the whole thing. And my arm just keeps getting worse. My doctor has no clue why."

"What happens if it never improves?"

Julio shrugs. "Who knows? Nothing good probably, but story of my fucking life. So, yeah, that's what I'm dealing with. You, Rahne and my doctor know the whole deal. I'm not very fun right now, dude."

"I was not expecting you to be fun. I was expecting you to be ill, which you are. Please lie down."

"I gotta get out of this sweatshirt, dude. I really fucking stink." Julio stands up and pulls it off before he can second guess himself. Shatterstar watches him, silent, but Julio sees how his eyes sweep over his bare chest and down his arm. "I don't even get a cool soul-mark. I look like someone puked on me."

Shatterstar holds out his hand, and Julio instinctively offers his arm. "That is not a soul-mark," he says.

Julio's stomach drops. "What?"

"That is not a soul-mark," he repeats. 

"Then what is it?"

"It is a glamour." Shatterstar smooths his fingers over Julio's skin, brows furrowed in concentration. He clearly sees something that Julio doesn't... or can't. "It is old magic. You were likely born with it."

"Why does it look like that? It's not hiding anything."

"It is. There is something beneath it, fighting to be revealed, and the glamour is beginning to deteriorate. That would explain your illness. With magic, brute force rarely leaves all sides unscathed."

"Can you remove it?"

Shatterstar stares at for a moment longer then nods. "I believe so. It may be uncomfortable."

"I can handle discomfort. Just do it," Julio says, trying to sound determined instead of chicken shit. 

"Are you sure?"

"No," Julio says with a weak smile, "but do it anyway."

"I will need a few minutes to gather my strength," Shatterstar tells him, eyes fixed on the smooth, glassy shadow covering Julio's entire forearm. "As a virgin, my magic is unfortunately quite weak."

"Take all the time you need. I should probably change real quick anyway. I am rank as shit."

Shatterstar doesn't say anything, still staring at Julio's arm. 

Julio goes to get changed. 

~~

After wetting a cloth and giving himself a quick wipe down, Julio changes into a fresh t-shirt. He looks at himself in the mirror, at the dark shadows under his eyes and the slick sheen of sweat on his face. His stomach is knotted, on the edge of painful, and he seconds guesses himself with every breath he takes.

He doesn't know what's under this glamour. It could be a soul-mark, or it could be something else. 

Something worse. 

Something he doesn't want to see.

Eventually, he turns around and heads back to the living room. Shatterstar is waiting for him. 

He sits back down on the couch, immediately holding his arm out, and Shatterstar takes his hand again. He puts his palm flat on Julio's forearm, and a soothing warmth spreads over his skin. Not painful, but comfortable, like he's being wrapped in a thick blanket. Something snaps suddenly, sharp and abrupt. 

Shatterstar takes his hand away. Beneath it is a black star with six points. It's beautiful in its simplicity. Tentatively, like he almost expects it to hurt, Julio touches it with the tip of his finger, tracing the shape. 

"Wow," he says. "It's amazing. Isn't it?" 

Shatterstar doesn't say anything. When Julio looks up at him, his expression is unreadable. His eyes are locked on Julio's soul-mark – because that's exactly what it is, it can't be anything else – and his lips have thinned into a line. _Maybe he's never seen one this close before_ , he thinks, maybe it's hurting him.

Maybe he's realizing – like Julio slowly is – that this means there's someone out there for him.

Someone human. Someone not Shatterstar. 

Before Julio can say anything, Shatterstar asks, "how are you feeling now? Better than you were?"

"Yeah," Julio admits, finally noticing that the chills and the pain are gone. He has no idea if the other two symptoms are still around, but he doesn't feel like he's sick anymore. "Thanks, dude. So much."

"I am glad I could help."

"Are you okay?" Julio blurts out suddenly. 

"It took more magic than I thought it would. If you are feeling well, I will go home." 

It's not precisely a lie, but it's definitely not the truth either. Julio watches as he stands up and walks towards the exit before he follows. He stays there in the doorway, watching Shatterstar leave, then locks the door. He looks down at his forearm and the six-pointed star painted over it. He touches it. 

He lets out a breath, one it feels like he's been holding his entire life. 

~~

The next morning, he sleeps late. When he gets up and pads into the washroom, Rahne is still in bed, sprawled on top of her sheets, fully dressed. He sits on the toilet for a while, thumbing through his phone, before showering and shaving. He tugs on one of the thick, woolly sweaters Rahne knit him.

He doesn't know how he's going to tell her. 

He starts making breakfast, enough for two. Dumps a package of sausages into a frying pan and gets the coffee machine started. He cracks a bunch of eggs into a bowl and scrambles them up. Rahne shuffles into the kitchen just as the second pair of toast jumps out of the toaster. He butters them. 

"Morning," he says.

"Good morning," Rahne replies, pouring herself a cup of coffee. She sits down at the table, the mug cradled between her hands, hunched over. "I think my friends are trying to kill me. I feel awful."

"You look awful," he assures her, grinning when she glares up at him. 

"You're looking better than when I left you." She watches as he moves around their small kitchen, getting her plate ready. He puts it down in front of her then makes one for himself. She's still looking at him when he sits down across from her. "Okay, just get it over with and tell me please," she says.

"You should eat first," he tells her. "It's not bad news."

"Julio Richter, if you made me breakfast just to tell me you got laid, so help me..."

He laughs sharply, already shaking his head. "Okay, that definitely didn't happen. Will you just eat?"

Rahne twists her lips doubtfully, but she eventually digs in. Starving, he wolfs down his plate. He hadn't noticed how bad his appetite had gotten until now. He can't remember the last time he ate. He's spent the last week in a fugue state, barely able to function. Idly, he hopes he passed all of his classes.

It would suck to flunk out in his senior year of college. 

"If you keep smiling to yourself, I'm never going to finish this meal, thoughtful as it is."

"Just eat," he mumbles, face warm. 

Once they're both done their food and have switched to nursing their cups of coffee, he puts his arm on the table and pulls back the sleeve. Rahne's eyebrows lift up to her hairline. Her fingers hover over it – it's rude as fuck to touch someone else's soul-mark – but he doesn't hesitate and guides her hand down.

"How?"

"Ben used his demon magic to remove the glamour on it. I don't know why it was there to begin with."

She keeps her palm flat on his skin. "Have you always had a mark then?" 

"I guess. I don't know. He said it was an old spell. It's pretty cool, isn't it?"

"I think it suits you just fine," Rahne says, smiling at him. "Are you happy?"

"I don't know," Julio admits. "I mean, it's pretty awesome looking, but... I don't know. I think I am? But I'm still really _fuck the system_. I was doing fine without it, give or take a few terrible side effects. And then there's Ben, and..." He trails off. He shrugs because the alternative is actually admitting something. 

"Did he take it poorly?"

"He couldn't wait to get out of here." He looks down into his coffee cup. "Are you okay with it?"

"Oh, have no doubt, I'm jealous like you wouldn't believe, but I've only ever wanted the best for you."

"That makes one of us," Julio says, and Rahne kicks him, right in the shin, under the table. 

It stings a little, but he feels better. 

~~

Shatterstar ghosts him. Julio texts him a few times over the rest of the weekend but gets nothing back. He's pretty angry about it, though he tries not to be. He's bad at making friends. It's not a surprise. And asking a demon to stay friends with a guy who clearly has a traditional soul-mark is probably too much.

He gets it.

He's still pissed though. 

On Wednesday, he wakes up extra early, before Rahne, and goes out for a walk. He needs to know if his soul-mark is finally working as intended. He hasn't quite worked up the nerve to touch his own cock in a remotely sexy way – he's afraid of the answer, so he's been putting it off – but _this_ he can try out. 

He gets one foot onto the steps of the church and almost throws up.

"Fuck," he swears, in front of a group of parishioners, and ignores their dirty looks. 

He digs his fingers into his arm, the effect muffled by the thickness of his coat. He sits down on a nearby bench, breathing hard, anger flaring up in him, hot and bright. He scans the crowd for the first hot guy he sees and tries to imagine... something. Something super sexy, like maybe going down on his knees and unzipping the guy's jeans and mouthing his... Julio gasps sharply, grinding his teeth together. 

The pain is exactly like nails on a chalkboard. Always has been. Always – apparently – will be. 

"Fuck," he swears again, banging his arm against the wooden slats of the seat. 

So it hurts, but in the way it has for years and not in the new way, the one that was making him sick. It's an improvement. Not much of one, but at this point, Julio will take what he can get. It's fine. It's not like he doesn't know how to live this life. He just wishes he knew what his soul-mark's deal was.

Feeling defeated, he gets up and goes in search of some street meat and a case of beer. Stuffing his face with junk food always makes him feel better, and the sooner he can get drunk off his face, the better. 

~~

A few days later, on his way home, he gets attacked by another demon. Or it tries anyway. It touches him briefly, and there's a flash of light and then it's black dust all over the white snow. Immediately, he clamps his hand on the back of his neck, which is warm to his touch, even through his mitten.

He pulls off his mitt and angrily types out a quick text. _Just got attacked by a demon fyi._

His phone buzzes straightaway. _Are you ok?_

_No I'm dead. RIP me. Of course I'm fine. You're an asshole btw._

It feels good to send, but the simple _Yes_ he gets back in response doesn't make him feel any better. But the next few texts Shatterstar sends do. _We need to talk_ , the text says. _Longshot is out right now, and my apartment is empty. Or we could meet in a more neutral spot? I can tell that you are close by._

 _That's creepy af, dude_ , Julio types back. _Your place is fine. Hungry? Can grab something._

_Yes._

Julio picks up a couple of gyros and a bottle of wine. He tries to work himself up into a yelling mood, but he just wants a fucking explanation. He buzzes up and walks into Shatterstar's apartment without saying hello. He pulls off his boots and then his coat. Shatterstar takes it from him and hangs it up.

"You really fucking hurt me," Julio says, shouldering past him. He starts rooting around in the drawers, looking for a corkscrew. "I don't fucking open up to anyone, ever, and then you pull that shit on me?"

"I reacted poorly," Shatterstar agrees. "I apologize. It was cowardly of me."

Julio looks over at him – Shatterstar's more emotional than Julio has ever seen him, mouth turned downwards, breath coming harsh – and feels most of the anger eke out of him. He puts the rest towards yanking the cork out of the bottle. "I don't make friends. You get that right? I'm not going to ditch you just because of this stupid thing. Besides, it's still fucked up. I can just see that it's there now." 

"I didn't know what to do."

"Then _tell_ me that. Okay?" Shatterstar nods, looking thoroughly chastised, and Julio exhales. He lets it be awkward for a few seconds then pushes them through it. "Hey, do you guys own wine glasses?"

"We do." He gets them out from the cupboard over the fridge, the one Julio was never going to reach on his own. Julio pours them both a healthy amount before following Shatterstar to the living room. Shatterstar still seems wary, and Julio feels guilty. They're both pretty bad at this friendship thing.

But Julio's willing to work at it if he is, so he smiles at Shatterstar, and Shatterstar smiles back.

 _It's a start_ , Julio thinks, plopping down on the couch. He lets Shatterstar pick the channel. 

~~ 

They watch TV for a while, eating, drinking, talking about nothing in particular.

"What's Longshot up to?" Julio asks as he struggles to get the last of his gyro into his mouth and not all over his t-shirt. He mostly succeeds, though he can feel some combination of tzatziki and tomato juice sliding down his wrist. "I'm surprised he's even up and walking around. He was in rough shape."

"We heal quickly," Shatterstar explains, taking another dubious sip of his wine. Julio could have splurged for a nicer one, but he honestly can't taste the difference. Shatterstar's just lucky it didn't come in a box. "He can be very powerful when he wants to be. We build our magic through our... activities."

"Is that why your magic...?"

Shatterstar sighs. "Yes, but I am not weak. I don't need magic. I can survive by my sword alone."

"I want to make a dick joke so bad, dude, you have no idea," Julio tells him, grinning.

"Believe me, I have heard it all before. If it will make you feel better, I will survive."

"Nah," Julio says, sitting back and smiling. "I'm good."

Shatterstar nods, eyes fixed on the wall in front of him. He rubs his hands together, and Julio's eyes are automatically drawn by the movement. He has beautiful hands. Large, long-fingered, with neatly trimmed nails. Julio's never noticed another guy's nails before, but he's also never let himself get close enough to see them. Something in him aches – not painful, just tight – and he lets out a small sigh. 

"Julio?"

"Yeah, Star?"

"May I show you my true face?"

"Sure," Julio says, trying to read his expression, but it's indecipherable. "If you want me to see it." 

Shatterstar nods, but he hesitates, which Julio doesn't blame him for. It's probably a lot like coming out, where you just don't know how the other person is going to react, even if you're sure it'll be fine. He cried coming out to Rahne, even though she'd been there, that night, when his soul-mark had burned, and he hadn't been able to stop babbling about how this was his punishment and he was just so sorry. 

"It's okay," Julio assures him. "I promise I won't freak out or anything, okay?"

Shatterstar nods again. His eyes are fixed on Julio's face. Slowly, Shatterstar sticks a finger into his own mouth, sweeping it over his tongue, then sticks that same fucking finger right between Julio's lips. 

"What the fuck!" he yelps, pulling back. "Dude, that is so fucking gross. Stop wiping your spit on me."

"The alternative was kissing you."

"You should have done that," Julio says, scowling. "Nobody is ever going to pick the spit option."

"It is the same thing."

"I promise you it's not," Julio replies, dragging a hand over his mouth. He looks at Shatterstar, somewhere between pissed and annoyed, but his eyes won't focus on him. "What did you do?"

"It is easier to remove a glamour than to see through it. Let it happen. Your eyes want to see the truth."

"I feel like I'm going to vomit," Julio says, his vision swimming in front of him as the room spins.

"Don't fight it," Shatterstar tells him. "Relax and breathe. It will be over soon."

He notices the hair first and how much of it there is, spiralling over his shoulders and down his back. Same orange colour, but it goes all the way to his waist instead of the crew-cut Julio thought he had. His face, chiselled with prominent cheekbones. There are small horns protruding from his forehead. Julio's eyes drop to his mouth – to his _fangs_ – which somehow works with the other parts of his face. 

His eyes are the purest gold Julio has ever seen, glowing bright. 

And around his left eye, there's a black, six-pointed star. 

It's Julio's star. 

It takes him a few seconds to realize what that means. He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Shatterstar looks dazed, like this is the last thing he expected. _He must have known right away_ , Julio thinks, _and he didn't want to tell me_. He made Julio think they were never going to speak again instead.

That hurts. That hurts a lot more than he expected. 

Julio takes a moment to compose himself, to calm the racing blood in his veins and the fury of feelings rattling in his bones. It's almost overwhelming. "You said demons don't do the soulmate thing," he says eventually. It comes out accusatory, which isn't what he wanted, but his head is a total mess right now.

"We don't," Shatterstar says.

"Well, some wires fucking got crossed, because you can't fucking tell me this is a coincidence." 

"I am not telling you that," Shatterstar replies. "I know what this means just like you do."

Julio glares at him, not sure why he's so angry. This should be the happiest moment of his life. It should feel like a fairy-tale. Instead, he feels like his stupid soul coerced Shatterstar into a situation he never asked for. And while Julio has no problem with him being an incubus, their worlds feel very far apart. 

_Shit_ , he thinks, and just like that, the anger leaves him, replaced by something close to bewilderment. 

He rubs a hand over his face. "What the fuck do we do now?" 

"I have no idea," Shatterstar says, sounding so obviously mystified that Julio can't help but laugh a little. Shatterstar glares at him, mouth drawn in an annoyed line, and Julio finds himself smiling.

Shatterstar, surprisingly, smiles back.

Julio thought his soul-mark was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. 

He was wrong. 

It's him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note that Chapter 5 (out on December 11th) will be a noticeably shorter one, but then 6, 7 and 8 will all roll out at 5k+.


	5. Chapter 5

There is nothing in the textbooks about this. Sitting there, he realizes that he honestly never expected to find his soulmate. That even knowing there's at least one person – who just happens to be a demon – doesn't erase his anger about the whole process. He's spent so long listening to how messed up he is that he's not sure it's in him to enjoy this sort of connection, not anymore. He feels uniquely damaged. 

"Are you disappointed?" Shatterstar asks, watching him.

"That it's you? No," Julio admits, arms crossed, staring at the ceiling. "I'm worried you are."

"I don't think I am," Shatterstar says, sounding a little unsteady, "though I had never considered the possibility, once it was clear I was a demon. Longshot has never heard of an incubus having a soulmate. He was not soul-bonded to my mother, because he does not have a soul. No demon does."

"Did he have any explanation for this?"

"Nothing he deigned to share," Shatterstar admits after a slight pause. "It is a sensitive subject for him." 

Julio nods. He looks down at his arm again, at the six-pointed star on his skin. He puts his hand over it, conscious that Star's watching him. He wishes he knew what Star wanted him to say, wanted to him to feel. That's supposed to come with time. That – if they choose to go forward with this – he'd just _know_. 

It occurs to him that he has no idea if Shatterstar even realizes he has a choice. He must – he watches enough TV, and it's a popular plotline – but Julio needs Shatterstar to understand just what this means. 

"We can reject it," Julio tells him, swallowing hard. "It would have to be medically supervised, especially because my mark is such a dick, but we don't... we don't have to if we don't want to."

"Do you want to reject it?"

Julio purses his lips together. He wishes he was wearing a hoodie. He feels too exposed with his arm out. It's an awesome mark, one he'll be proud to show off, but. _But_. "I want you to do what's best for you," he says, glancing over at him. Shatterstar looks _so_ demonic, and Julio shouldn't find that as hot as he does. "And I'm sorry, dude, but I just don't think I can be with you and not want to sleep with you."

"You believe I would not want to have sexual relations with you?"

Julio shrugs. 

"You are wrong," Shatterstar tells him. "I think about it. I think about it all the time. But being with me would not be easy for you." Julio can't help the expression that crosses his face – _because holy shit_ – and Shatterstar turns the colour of a tomato. "I am, _perhaps_ , more endowed than an average human, but I assure you that my anatomy is entirely compatible with your body. That is not what I meant. _At all_."

And just like that, Julio is painfully hard. He braces himself for the pain, but there is none. And finally, that last piece slides into place, and he gets it. In hindsight, it's so obvious, but how was he supposed to know he was looking for a self-loathing sex demon? "Then what _did_ you mean?" he rasps out, face hot. 

"If you are with me, if we choose to have a long-term relationship... your body will cease to age like a human. You will see your friends grow older. Depending on how long we are together, you will see them die. You will age as I do for as long as I desire you. I have been told it is not an easy life."

"How long do incubi live for?"

"Millennia, under ideal circumstances. We rarely live out our natural lifespan."

"Because of your magical jizz," Julio says.

Shatterstar sighs. "Please do not call it that."

"Is that what would make me...?"

"Not entirely. As our physical connection grows stronger, you will be infused with my magic. It will override your natural aging process," Shatterstar says, colour still sitting high on his cheeks. Julio almost takes pity on him and tells him this can wait, but he's held his curiosity in check for weeks. He needs to know. "My semen is an aphrodisiac. A potent one. Or so I have been told. I am immune to it."

Julio scrubs a hand through his hair, attempting to process. He's fine with magical jizz, but everything else... it's a lot. He's spent his entire life feeling like he's on the outside of humanity, looking in. 

Doing this would definitely put him there. And Shatterstar...

"What would you get from this, if we decided to go with it?" Julio asks, barely able to meet his eyes.

Shatterstar considers the question for a long time, expression serious, gaze locked on Julio's face. "I would no longer be alone," he says eventually. "I often feel stuck between two worlds, fitting into neither. It has been an isolating experience, to say the least. Even making friends is difficult for me."

"We'd still be friends," Julio assures him, "whatever we decide. It doesn't _have_ to be like this."

"No," Shatterstar agrees then adds, softly, "but I think it could be good for both of us."

"I'm kind of messed up, dude."

"That's fine," Shatterstar says easily. "So am I."

"Shit," Julio says, a shaky little laugh escaping his lips, "the movies make this part seem so easy." 

Without hesitating, Shatterstar nods, and they share crooked grins. The silence stretches between them. Julio, for once, is at a loss for words. He's never let himself imagine what this night would be like, so he's not disappointed, just thoughtful and, somewhere deep down, a little excited, too. It _could_ be good.

But it could be bad.

But it could be _really_ good. 

"Would speaking with my mother help?" Shatterstar asks suddenly. 

Julio looks up, startled. "Shit, I don't know anything about you, do I? I assumed she wasn't around."

"She is," Shatterstar assures him. "She is the reason I never meet with you on Monday for lunch. She lives on the Upper East Side, and she is quite eager to meet you. She will have some insight into this. My parents were together for decades. Had I not manifested as a demon, they likely still would be."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. I'll meet your mom. Thanks."

Shatterstar nods, and his expression softens. Julio thinks, if he had been anyone else, Star might have tried to touch him. "And you do know things about me, Julio. You know more about me than anyone else does. I have hidden nothing from you. I didn't understand the compulsion before. I do now."

"It definitely explains a few things. I'm usually a very private person, but with you..." Julio shrugs.

Shatterstar smiles at him, and Julio feels better, instantly, deep in his soul.

It's as alarming as it is exhilarating. _So this is what they meant_ , he thinks. 

~~

Julio isn't sure how other people's first nights go, but theirs is spent on that couch, talking in hushed tones. Julio is a little afraid to touch him – he doesn't know if Star wants to, if _he_ wants to, not before he's made his decision – but just looking at him feels like enough. He'll sort out everything else later.

"Your horns are adorable," he says, grinning when Star turns to glare at him. "They're cute."

"Neither of those words is acceptable when referring to them," Star informs him, the slightest lift to the right corner of his mouth. Julio would know he was joking even without it. "They should be majestic and large and intimidating. I am a late bloomer, by incubus standards. I am also the youngest."

"There hasn't been another incubus born in twenty-five years?"

Star shakes his head. "Not in our clan, and I know other groups are facing similar predicaments. The Old Ways simply do not mesh with modern times, and very few of them are even willing to consider settling down long enough to attempt a family. There is also the matter that tradition does not allow demon children to stay with their mothers. Is it too dangerous, and we are too rare to risk it." After a pause, Star adds, "I think Longshot would have stayed with my mother if the others had allowed him." 

"How old were you, when it became obvious you were a demon and not a human?"

"Nine." Julio takes a sharp breath. He hadn't realized he was that old. In his head, he counts back the years. "It is not unheard of for a mistake to be made, but to have it happen so late, especially since I had what we assumed was a soul-mark... I was born with it fully revealed, which I am told is uncommon."

Julio glances at him. "What could have caused that to happen?"

"Trauma, perhaps, but I was living the ideal life. We have never been able to explain it."

Julio looks down. His hands are shaking, and he tucks them under his arms. "Did it happen in June?"

Star looks at him like he's reluctant to answer. "Yes," he says eventually.

"My father..." Julio says then trails off. He drags a hand over his face. "Shit, dude, I am so sorry."

"It would have happened anyway," Star assures him, firm, without hesitation. "I was always a demon, Julio. I was always going to be one. That I had nine years with my mother was a gift. Perhaps it was a gift you gave to me. I only have a rudimentary understanding of how this works. Is that even possible?"

"I've heard of it happening, from the textbooks they made us read in soulmates class," Julio says with a slight shrug. "I mean, not the same circumstances, obviously, but fate can do crazy shit like that, if the mark is strong enough. Like, I was fine until, like, three years ago. Did something happen to you then?"

Star frowns deeply. "I failed the Rite of Passage," he admits with great reluctance. "It was a very public debacle. I shamed myself and Longshot and all the incubi before us who shared our bloodline." 

He says it like he's reciting something someone else told him, and Julio realizes he probably is. 

"That sucks, dude. I'm sorry." 

Star nods, but he still looks troubled. "If I had known it would cause you pain..."

"One of the first things we learn in soulmates class is you can't blame yourself for crap you can't control. _I_ would have felt like shit, knowing you forced yourself to do something you didn't want to do. If I'm mad about anything, it's at the whole fucking concept and nothing you did specifically, okay?"

Star nods then quietly adds, "I only failed the Rite because I was not interested in it, not because I did not know what to do. I completed all the mandatory reading. I am not a _total_ failure of an incubus."

"If this is your weird way of telling me you'll be good in bed, you really don't need to." Julio scratches a rough hand through his hair, face warm again, cock hard again. He knows both are obvious. "Though I am a little afraid to ask what sort of mandatory reading they make you do in incubus school."

"Romance novels. Erotica. Fan fiction. Anything that might help us understand the desires of human females, which is why we rarely watch pornography. It is, of course, assumed we are all heterosexual."

"You aren't, though," Julio says slowly. 

"Clearly not," Star replies then looks at him curiously. "Are you still only _probably_ gay?"

Julio laughs a little, sheepishly making a face. "Ah, right, that. Yeah, that's mostly me being a science nerd and thinking I'm funny. Like I'm pretty sure I'm into guys, exclusively, but I, uh, still need to test the hypothesis. If that makes sense. It sounds kinda stupid when I have to actually explain it. Sorry."

"I believe I understand the joke," Star says, after a pause. 

Julio shrugs, still feeling like a bit of an idiot, but whatever. Rahne thought it was funny, too. 

"I have not tested my own hypothesis either, but I am positive I have no gender preferences." Star's glowing eyes meet his. "I am also positive that I am interested in you," Star tells him, which makes Julio feel warm all over. He doesn't doubt that Star means it, especially because he's such a terrible liar. 

Julio thinks about taking Star's hand but doesn't. Instead, he asks, "are the others gonna be okay with... you know... _me_?" He's pretty confident he knows what the answer is. He tries not to feel guilty about it, especially because he hasn't actually made a decision yet. He's impressed by how level-headed he's being, especially when a significant chunk of him wants to climb onto Star's lap and just stay there. 

"No. It will just be one more way to disappoint them, but they should be used to that by now." 

"Well, I'm not disappointed," Julio tells him, enjoying the pleased little smile on Star's face.

~~

Julio goes home eventually, long after he probably should. The situation is complicated, more than it needs to be. They don't fit together neatly, and he knows they both need time to think. They hover in the doorway to Star's apartment, not touching and definitely not kissing. It's pretty fucking awkward.

"Text me when your mom's free," Julio says. "I pretty much have a free schedule until January."

"I will," Star assures him. 

Julio nods and turns to leave, but there's one last thing he feels compelled to say. "You're gorgeous," he blurts out, face hot, digging his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. "I just wanted you to know. Seeing your true face is... it isn't a deal breaker to me or anything. You're really fucking hot, dude." 

Star smiles at him, cheeks a faint pink. "Thank you, Julio."

"You're welcome. So, yeah, I'm just going to go now. But maybe sooner than later with your mom?"

"I will see what I can do."

Julio nods. He turns to leave again, ignoring every instinct he has that tells him he should stay. His logical brain reminds him that neither of them has accepted the soul-bond yet, that they need to take this slowly, carefully. He gets three steps before he twists around on his heels. Star tilts his head. 

"Did you forget something?" he asks.

"Yeah," Julio says. "Can I..." – _shit, this is so ridiculous, just do it,_ he thinks – "can I hug you?" 

Star nods. 

Julio steps forward and only pauses a moment before his arms loop around Star's neck. He lifts up on his toes, pressing into his space, and he exhales with relief when Star's arms circle his waist and squeeze him tightly back. They stay like that for a long time, unmoving, clutching at each other. 

Eventually, Julio pulls away. He knows he really won't leave if he lets this go on any longer. 

"Thanks," Julio says with a crooked smile. 

"It was my pleasure," Star assures him. 

"See you later?" 

Star nods, his expression impossible to read, but Julio thinks he might be happy anyway. 

~~

Julio takes the subway home. There's a couple sitting across from him, bent over a cell phone, murmuring about something. They both have pointed ears and eyes as black as ink. He types out a quick text and sends it to Star. _Hey, does your magical spit only make me see you or everything?_

 _Everything_ , Star texts immediately. A second text follows. _Sorry. It is not a permanent effect._

_It wears off?_

_Without continued exposure_ , Star types back. _That would likely not be a concern for you._

Flushing hilariously at the implication, Julio sends him a few emojis then sits back and closes his eyes. 

He is fucking exhausted.

He manages to get home without anything supernatural attacking him. Rahne isn't there, out with Kitty, Illyana and Xi'an for the night. He watches TV for a bit, nursing a mug of hot chocolate, and eats an entire bag of potato chips. He does the dishes, and cleans the bathroom, and sweeps the front hallway. 

"I have a soulmate," he says, out loud, just to hear it. He looks at his arm, something he does constantly now, like he's afraid the mark will disappear. Like fate will just take it back. A couple of months ago, he would have been fine with that, but that was before. It's just harder to trust the process than he thought it would be. His head says: talk to Star's mom, think it through. His soul says: _you finally found him_. 

Julio just never imagined his perfect match would be a sexually anxious incubus. 

With a sigh, Julio goes and gets ready for bed. It's freezing in the apartment, and he burrows under his cover, closing his eyes. He tries to think about nothing, but mostly just thinks about Star's true face and how hot he is and how big his hands are and his anatomy that is entirely compatible with Julio's body.

He waits for the pain and, when it doesn't come, slides his hand into his underwear.

His cock, fully hard, fits perfectly between his fingers. It's hot and hard, and he's almost forgotten what it felt like, to touch his dick like this and not flinch away with pain. He strokes himself, once, just to test, then almost weeps when it actually feels _good_. He keeps his mind focused entirely on Star, on his undersized horns and the kindness in his golden eyes and the way he rumbles whenever he laughs.

It's over in thirty seconds, Julio's hand moving over his cock like he hasn't spent the last three years absolutely terrified of touching himself, but it feels amazingly freeing when he comes all over his belly. 

He lies there for a while, panting, still mostly hard, staring at the ceiling.

He tells himself he isn't going to cry, but he does it anyway. He doesn't know if he's happy or he's sad.


	6. Chapter 6

He keeps the fact he's found his soulmate to himself for an entire day. 

He jerks off again the next morning in the shower because he can. This time, it takes forever to get off, and he doesn't know why. His body feels alien to him, but this part was actually in the textbooks. It's okay to feel weird. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. But he wants it to feel normal, and it just... _doesn't_. 

If Rahne notices he's acting weird, she doesn't say anything, but she knits him a pair of woolly socks, which Julio knows means basically the same thing. It's impossible to imagine a life without her in it. 

He waits until she comes back from church on Sunday to finally tell her. 

"That look again," she says when she sees him. 

"Ben's my soulmate," he says before she even has a chance to take off her coat. She pauses, her scarf half unwound. He feels the weird compulsion to apologize, but he doesn't even know for what. He watches as she resumes undressing, hanging up her coat and pulling off her hat. She sits down with him on the couch and offers her hands to hold. "It should be easy, right? Fated to be together. All that shit." 

Rahne squeezes his fingers. "But...?"

He gives her a rundown of the situation. She listens, without speaking, and he can tell by the look on her face that she understands why he's not running down the street, telling everyone he's found the other part of his soul. He never thought it would happen easily, but this seems unnecessarily hard. 

"What happens to you if he dies?"

"I have no fucking clue," Julio admits. "Without his magic turning me into some sort of immortal sex vampire, I assume that would be it for me. I didn't ask. I should have, but... this is so weird, Rahney."

"The mark is supposed to know our true heart better than we know ourselves."

"My heart clearly has some issues to work out," Julio replies with a crooked grin, and she snorts inelegantly. He feels a rush of fondness for her. She's been an amazing friend to him. "I don't know. I'll talk to his mom and see what she has to say. His dad is pretty weird, so I have no idea what to expect." 

"I'm sure she's lovely, and I know she'll adore you." Her expression softens, and her next words come out a little shy. "And I like Ben a lot, demon or no. He seems a decent sort, and he's _very_ well read."

Julio laughs at that, full-bellied, a loud bark that makes Rahne giggle reflexively. He hadn't actually told her that part, but now he practically has to. They spend the rest of the day on the couch, watching horror movies. Rahne knits a full set of winter gear for Star while Julio flips through a couple of her favourite romance novels. He's a little curious to find out just what exactly Star thinks he knows.

~~

Star texts him that evening, asking him if he wants to meet his mother the next day for lunch. Even though it's a short notice, it works for him, and Star gives him an address to meet at. Rahne googles it, and they both spend way too long researching the area. Star's mom is, as far as they can tell, loaded. 

"Fuck," Julio says. 

"It'll be fine," Rahne assures him, but even she sounds dubious.

The next day, he wears his nicest jeans with a sweater that Rahne knit him. It's brutally cold outside, and he shivers while he waits for Star to show up. He isn't at all worried about other demons, because even they aren't dumb enough to be outside when it's this fucking freezing, but he is pretty nervous.

Julio is about to say fuck it and go find someplace warm to hang out, but then he sees Star in the distance. His appearance startles him because when they're together, Julio forgets what every other human looks like. Standing among them now, Star's _difference_ is highlighted. He's still hot as fuck.

"I'm freezing my fucking ass off," he says as Star approaches. 

Star has on one of Rahne's hats, slid back on his head to accommodate his horns. His hair is tied back in a ponytail, but Julio can see there's a bunch of small braids in it. "You could have waited inside."

"Are you fucking kidding me? They'd kick me out in an instant."

"We're expected," Star tells him. "And hello. It is very good to see you."

"Yeah, hi," Julio replies with a small grin. He wished he had the balls to kiss him, even on the cheek, but he settles for another hug. Star tucks his face against Julio's bare neck, breath warm and damp, and it's just... exactly what he needs right in that moment. He feels less freaked out when Star pulls away.

Star uses a key fob to get them inside the building. He nods at the concierge, who greets him by name – _human_ name – then uses his fob again in the elevator. Julio, who counts himself lucky when he and Rahne get through another month without roaches, can't help but be awed by the sheer extravagance. 

"Is your mom famous or something?"

Star nods. Julio doesn't even have a chance to ask _who_ before the elevator opens, and they step out onto a private floor. A woman – Star's mom, who Julio knows mostly as Dazzler – smiles widely at Star and gathers him into a hug. Pulling back, she beams at him again before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"You must be Julio," she says, offering her hand. "Call me Alison. I've heard so much about you."

"Hi," he says, feeling weirdly shy, and she smiles, waving them into the living room. He sits down beside Star on one of the couches, trying not to look around like someone who's never seen a couch _not_ rescued from the side of the road before. He feels like he should have worn a suit or something, a tie. 

"You should have warned him, sweetie."

Star exhales, glancing over at Julio. "I apologize," he says stiffly. 

"It's fine," Julio tells him, trying not to roll his eyes. "It explains a lot, though."

Alison laughs. She's a beautiful woman, but she looks decades younger than she probably should. She's been making music since the early 80s. His mom used to listen to her as a teenager. "The tabloids have been trying to figure out who my amazing plastic surgeon is for the last several decades. I'll never tell."

"I know it's bad manners, but can I ask how old you are?"

"I'm fifty-eight years old. I became involved with his father when I was twenty. I had Shatterstar at thirty-four, and I lost my boys to a bullshit rule when I was forty-three. I still don't age as quickly as my friends, but I definitely don't look or feel twenty anymore. Somewhere in my thirties is close enough."

Julio doesn't know if _wow_ or _shit_ fits the situation better, so he doesn't say anything at all. 

Star stands up abruptly. "I will leave you two alone and go watch television in my bedroom."

"Okay, sweetie. We'll let you know when we're done. I thought we could order in Thai."

"Sounds good to me," Julio says, when it becomes clear they're waiting on his answer. Star looks at him for a long moment then turns around on his heel and marches off, disappearing down the hall. Julio watches him go, wishing he felt confident enough to assure him everything was going to be okay. 

"Do you drink?" Alison asks, and Julio nods. "Good. I think we'll both need one."

~~

Once Julio gets over the fact Star's mom is one of the most famous singers on the planet, it gets easier to talk to her. He has a tonne of questions, and she seems willing to answer them all, so he starts with the basic ones. The ones he really needs to know. They sit on the couch together, nursing their drinks.

"Do you regret it?"

"Not for a moment," she tells him, without hesitation, smiling. "I can't go into a supermarket without seeing myself on the cover of a magazine, wondering how I stay so young, but I loved his father. And I have a beautiful child from that love. I'm just not a huge fan of the archaic rules incubi live by."

"Star seems really stressed out by them."

" _Star_ ," she repeats, laughing. "I like that. And no, he's never quite fit in. They blame me for that. He's too human for their world and too demonic for mine. I just want him to be happy. He's my baby boy."

"Were you able to keep relationships with people outside of Longshot, while you were together?"

"A few of them but not all of them," she admits. "I've told exactly one other person – my best friend, Lila – what the real story is. The rest just have to trust me, and some of them haven't been able to."

Julio nods, chewing at his lower lip. "Are you afraid of outliving everyone?" he asks. 

"Sometimes, but I know I won't be alone. I'll have Shatterstar, and I'll have Longshot. When an incubus loves you, you're loved for life. His father and I may not be together any more, but we've made our peace."

"Why did you break up?"

"I didn't see him or my son for sixteen years. One relationship was easier to repair than the other. I understand that I was fighting millennia of tradition. Longshot was upfront about the fact he would follow the Old Ways if we had a demon child together. I don't blame him, but... they took my son."

"Did you think you were never going to see him again?"

She smiles faintly. "Lucky for me Shatterstar had other ideas. He's not a big fan of the Old Ways."

Julio snorts, almost choking on his drink. "That's the understatement of the century," he says, smiling into his glass, aware of how Alison is looking at him, knowing all his feelings must be clear as day on his face. "Were the other incubi okay with you and Longshot? Like, before you had Star or whatever."

"They tolerated me. An incubus _can_ make a long-term connection, even if it's frowned upon. Thankfully, I never gave a fuck about their opinions, and neither did my husband." Alison sits back, glass dangling from her fingers. "I guess that's me confirming I did have that secret wedding in 1985, not to mention the secret lovechild I had in '93. He was a little harder to hide, but we managed it."

Julio smiles faintly. He has one more question, but it's a big one. It's something that's been bugging him since he realized they shared a soul-mark. "Do you think Star has a soul? Or something like a soul?"

Her expression softens. "I think you already know the answer to that," she replies. 

"Yeah, you're right," Julio says, laughing at himself. Even as he said the words, he realized that he' always known the answer. There's only one explanation that makes sense, unbelievable as it is. "Of course he has one. Or something like one." Julio shrugs, still laughing. "He's a demon with a soul."

"He's certainly one of a kind."

He wants to tell her that he'll be good for him, that he'll love him and try his best never to hurt him and help him be whatever he wants to be, but he doesn't know how or which words to use without sounding corny or like he's watched too many romantic comedies. He just smiles at her, hoping it's enough. 

~~

They talk for a little longer, just getting to know each other. He follows Alison's directions to Star's room, leaving her to order lunch. The door is ajar, just a sliver, and he pushes it open. Star glances at him, his expression shuttered. Julio walks over to the bed and slides onto it, lying down beside him.

"I'm in this if you are," Julio says. "But if you don't want to, just fucking tell me. I've lived my whole life preparing for this, knowing it could be coming. I assume you probably had some sort of education in this stuff, but what you learn before nine and what you learn after are two wildly different things."

Star doesn't hesitate. "I'm in," he says. 

"You sure?"

"I'm in," Star repeats. 

Julio exhales shakily. "Then I guess we're doing this. Trusting the process and whatever. Great."

Star nods, a weird little smile playing at his lips. It's endearing as fuck, and Julio can't help smiling, too.

"You feel any different?" Julio asks.

Star shakes his head. "Should I?"

"I don't know," Julio admits, looking over at Star again. "It's so hard to tell what's bullshit and what's actually supposed to happen. I guess that's it? I was led to believe there would be, like, angels singing."

"Julio," Star says flatly. 

"Okay, maybe not angels. Dancing imps or something."

"I want nothing to do with imps. They are exhausting."

Julio laughs then lapses into silence. It builds between them, thick with anticipation. 

Star's so fucking gorgeous, the tendrils of his red hair spread like a veil on the pillow beneath his head. Star's golden eyes are fixed on his face, on his mouth, his interest clear. Julio wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. _He'd let me kiss him_ , Julio thinks. He doesn't know if Star's ever been kissed before.

He doubts it, especially not with the way he's looking at Julio.

Julio rolls onto his side, telegraphing his intentions. When Star doesn't say anything, Julio places his hand flat on Star's chest, over the rapid beat of his heart. He smiles, and Star instinctively mirrors it, a little uncertain. His eyes are wide and beautifully golden, bright in the dim light of the room. He keeps them open as Julio leans over him and presses a gentle kiss to Star's parted lips. His own eyes flutter closed.

"Ah," Stay breathes, tensing under Julio's hand, and Julio laughs against his startled mouth. 

He kisses him softly, carefully. He wants to make it special for him. The small noises Star makes beneath him are the most amazing sounds he's ever heard. The fangs feel a little different, but he knows he'll get used to them. He imagines running his tongue over them, wonders what Star would do, if he'd like it. Julio can tell he likes kissing, which is great because it's one of Julio's favourite things to do. 

After a while, Julio pulls back and settles against his own pillow. Star stares at the ceiling, blinking, and in the dim light, Julio can see that his lips are wet. He has beautiful lips. Fuck, he has beautiful _everything_. Julio's not sure what it says about him that someone so clearly demonic in nature turns him on so much, but he doesn't give a shit. Star is exactly his type. Julio just didn't know what his type was. 

"You good?" Julio asks. 

Star nods. 

They lie like that, side by side, quiet, breathing in unison until Alison calls them for lunch. 

~~

Over the meal, Julio tells Alison about his life and hears all about hers. He shares his problems with his soul-mark – they've been so open with each other that he doesn't mind her knowing – and she shows him the marks on her face, like Star's, except pale blue. Julio didn't even know that was possible. 

"They're two different marks," she explains, between bites. "They're very mysterious but surprisingly easy to cover up with a little foundation and a decent setting spray. I keep my doctor up at night."

Julio snorts. He knows the feeling. 

~~

They end up staying for dinner as well, re-heating a frozen lasagne Alison finds in her freezer. 

It's late when they finally leave. Whatever Alison says to Star makes him turn bright red, and she thankfully just kisses Julio on the cheek without a word. Julio braces for the cold, hat tugged down past his eyebrows, scarf wrapped around his mouth and mitts on. He hates winter. He absolutely loathes it.

It's a brisk walk to the subway station. A few other people are milling about, but it's surprisingly empty. He leans back against the wall, arms crossed, waiting for the 6 to come, and Star hovers around in his space, not quite realizing he's allowed to get as close as he wants to now. Julio smiles up at him.

"What did your mom say to you?" he asks.

"Simply that she was happy I found someone I could be myself with," Star replies, going red again. "My _true_ self," he adds, with emphasis on the word _true_. "And to be considerate of your feelings. She is very aware of what it is like to be the human in a union between a human and an incubus." 

Julio blinks, processing the words, and then his face is as hot as the sun. "Fuck," he says, flustered, tucking his chin protectively into his scarf. "Well, that was a nice relationship while it lasted. I didn't even think about shit like that when we were talking. Is there, like, a chance you _wouldn't_ be?"

"A young incubus can be quite enthusiastic. In bed," Star adds as if Julio's mind didn't immediately go there. Star's moved closer to him, close enough that they can speak quietly but still be heard, and it's having an immediate effect on him. Julio's just grateful his past self went for a mid-length winter coat. 

"Yeah, I got that, thanks."

"Would this be a bad time to mention I can feel when you masturbate?"

"Fuck," Julio swears, laughing. He realizes Star is being intentionally provocative, and Julio's responding to it powerfully. Star's a bit too forward, a bit too unnatural, and Julio doubts the approach would work on anyone but him, but he's also the only one who matters. From that perspective, it's working amazingly well. "You talk a mean game for a guy who can barely even say the word sex."

"I have the entire Kuma Sutra memorized."

"I bet you do," Julio replies, looking up at the 6 pulls into the station. "You wanna stay the night?"

Star hesitates, and all the confidence deflates out of him, just like that. 

"Like we did before," Julio adds, walking toward the train before the doors close. Star, after a second, follows him into the car just as the chime rings. They squeeze into a pair of seats together, shoulder to shoulder. "It's fun as fuck flirting with you, and we both enjoy it, but we don't have to rush, okay?"

"I mean what I said," Star says, cheeks pink. "I think about it a lot. I want to... with you."

"I'm okay with waiting. If you can feel me jerk off then you know I'm not having an easy time with it. And I want to see my doctor, just to make sure everything's good. If you want to come, that'd be cool. It's up to you how much you want to tell her, though. I'm fine with lying about who you are."

"We can tell her," Star says then adds, almost shyly, "and I would like to show Rahne my true face."

"Yeah?"

Star nods.

Julio smiles. "Okay. I'll make breakfast for us all tomorrow. Do you like pancakes?"

"I love pancakes," Star assures him. 

By the time they get back to the apartment, Rahne is already asleep. Quietly, they creep around getting ready for bed. Julio gives Star clothes to sleep in. They undress in full view of each other. It's just them in their underwear, nothing fancy, but Julio definitely enjoys what he sees. They slip under the covers.

"No pillow?" Star asks.

"Nah," Julio replies. "I think I'm good. You okay with the fact I might end up wrapped around you?"

"Perfectly."

"Good," Julio says, settling back onto his pillow. "Should we have kissed goodnight?" 

On the other side of the bed, Star moves and leans over him, eyes glowing faintly. _He's like a demon nightlight_ , Julio thinks, trying not to giggle. He stops laughing when Star presses his mouth against his. Julio immediately opens under him, taking whatever Star will give, and kisses him back.

"Good night, Julio," he says eventually, pulling back.

"Good night, Star," he replies and exhales the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. 

~~

The next morning, neither of them linger in bed. Julio loans Star some clothes to wear, including a pair of boxer-briefs because Rahne also probably doesn't want to see a demon free-balling in her kitchen first thing in the morning. He hesitates, but Star seems completely nonplussed about the whole thing. 

It feels intimate, but Julio supposes that's exactly what it is. What they are now. 

It still doesn't feel completely natural, but it feels like they're getting there, slowly but surely. 

They both shower, Julio first, Star second. Julio gets started on the pancakes. They're watching YouTube videos on Julio's phone when Rahne comes into the kitchen, wearing a plaid, baggy nightgown that hangs down to her ankles. They both turn to look at her, and she sighs deeply. 

"Ach, now you've got him doing it, too," she says accusingly. She sits downs at the table, scrubbing a hand through her short hair. It's even wilder when she pulls her hand away. Helpfully, Star slides a cup of coffee in front of her, and she stares down into it. "What can you possibly have left to tell me?"

"I would like to show you my true face," Star tells her. "Unless you would rather not see it."

Rahne's mouth stretches into a line. "Is it terrible?" she asks. 

"No," Julio replies quickly, "but you are going to be able to see everyone else, too, and New York seems to be some sort of nexus for the supernatural. I'm not going to lie. It's really fucking weird."

"I can ward you like I have warded Julio," Star adds. "The vast majority of them are harmless. They merely want to live their lives, as most humans do. We are not that different in the grand scheme."

"I'll still be able to attend church services?"

"Yes," Star says. "My mother has never missed a Christmas mass. She is fully human."

"Then do it," Rahne says, "before I chicken out and change my mind."

"It requires that you ingest a minor quantity of my saliva. I can kiss you or I can use my finger."

Rahne looks up, expression dry. "The second one is fine," she says. 

Star gives him a withering look. 

"She's the only one who will _ever_ pick that option, dude." 

Star shrugs slightly, somehow managing to be sarcastic without actually saying anything. Julio's a little impressed. He watches as Star sticks his finger into his mouth, sucks it briefly, then gently wipes it on the inside of Rahne's lower lip. She looks dubious. He knows the moment her eyes slide out of focus. Time seems to stretch forever after that, but when she finally sees Star's true face, he knows that, too. 

Rahne crosses herself then blushes fiercely. "Sorry," she says, accent thick. She glares at Julio, probably for not warning her, but Julio can't even remember what he thought Star looked like. He can't imagine Star looking any different. "I don't mean to offend. It's just... you look like a demon."

"I'm not offended," Star assures her. Julio starts plating the first round of pancakes, passing them over to Star to place down in front of Rahne. She looks like she needs a hit of sugar. "I know what I am."

Rahne still looks a little dazed, but she at least remembers what to do with the pancakes. She starts cutting them, all prim and proper, with a perfectly held knife and fork. "Your mark is on your face."

"It is," Star agrees.

"Well, I think you're still handsome," she adds, blushing faintly, "and I like your horns very much."

Star nods politely. 

Julio turns his attention back to the pancake batter and the frying pan as Star and Rahne talk. He realizes he'd been worried about her reaction. He needs them to be friends more than he needs anything else. He doesn't have much in this life, but he has them. He's not going to be a shitty person and leave Rahne behind. He's seen other people do it, has had it done to him. He's not going to be like them. 

~~

Julio has an appointment the next morning at the soul care clinic. Star comes with him, meeting him at the McDonald's across the road for breakfast before heading into the reception area. They take off their boots then sit in their socks, waiting to be called in. Julio honestly has no idea how this is going to go. 

"What if she freaks out?" he asks, low, in Spanish. 

"I will erase her memory," Star replies, flipping through a parenting magazine balanced on his crossed legs. Julio makes a small noise, and Star looks over at him. "Just because you are somehow immune to my suggestion magic does not mean everyone else is. I _have_ successfully made people forget, Julio."

"How many?"

"At least eleven," Stay assures him, which isn't enough of a sample size, in Julio's opinion, but whatever. "You were my first and, hopefully, only failure. You are also the only person I have met who can resist my natural charm," he adds, tossing the magazine back into the pile. "I don't know why."

"Maybe you're not as hot as you think you are," Julio replies, sly.

Star looks at him, and Julio smiles blithely. He knows Star's about to call him on his blatant lie – Star is exactly as hot as they both know he is – but then Julio's name is called. They follow the physician's assistant to one of the examination rooms. Star isn't listed on the appointment, but he's allowed to stay. 

"Rahne used to have to drag me in here," Julio explains, jumping up on the examination table. "They're used to me showing up with someone. Once, I had Rahne bring holy water with her, to prove a point."

Star takes one of the pamphlets off the wall. _Coping with an Unusual Mark_. "Sounds painful," he says. 

"Oh, it was," Julio assures him.

Dr Reyes shows up a few minutes later, sweeping into the room. It takes her a moment to notice Star, and he has to credit her poker face. It barely budges. Star sits down in one of the chairs, a collection of pamphlets in his hands, as Dr Reyes flips through Julio's chart, humming, before taking her own seat. 

"Anything new, Mr Richter?" she asks blandly. 

"Doc," he says with a grin, "you have no fucking idea." 

~~

Dr Reyes takes it surprisingly well. Star doesn't do the spit thing with her, but he does allow her to feel his face, and he produces his mystic demon-killing swords out of thin air, which makes both Dr Reyes and Julio jump in surprise. Julio has no idea how far Star is willing to go to convince her, but she accepts the evidence. She gets right down to business like she's seen this shit a million times before. 

She looks at his arm for a long time, without saying anything, then nods. "Perfect," she says. 

He exhales sharply. 

She tests the strength of their bond. "Fully bonded," she says, writing something down in his file.

"Even without...?" he trails off, clearing his throat. He and Dr Reyes have shared a number of frank conversations together, but he still finds it hard to talk about this shit. He blames his upbringing. "We haven't had sex yet," Julio blurts out. "Like, we haven't done anything but kiss a little, like, twice." 

"Sex isn't always necessary to seal a bond. Plenty of asexual or platonic soulmates..."

"We're neither of those," Julio says, cutting her off. Next to him, without hesitation, Star nods. 

"Did you notice when you bonded?"

"I didn't," Julio admits, looking at Star, who shakes his head. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"No," Dr Reyes says easily, sitting down and putting her clipboard back on the counter. "Your mark is fine. And from what I can tell, aside from an uncommon location and the fact I can't visually examine it, so is Ben's. This is an imperfect science, Julio. You've always been the exception, but you got there." 

"Yeah, okay, you're right. If you say it's fine then it's fine," Julio says.

"Does it feel good?" They look at each other, but they're both already nodding. He likes being with Star. Talking with him, spending time with him, has felt natural and easy, which aren't words most people would use to describe his existence. "Then that's all that matters. You boys should enjoy this." 

They talk for a bit longer – mostly about the Rangers game the night before, which they lost – as she writes up a requisition form for blood work and an STD test for Julio. Eventually, Dr Reyes hands it to him along with a plastic cup to piss in. She tries to do the same for Star, who politely shakes his head. 

"I have a healing factor," he tells her, "and I am not sure if my bodily fluids can pass as human."

Dr Reyes closes her eyes briefly then recovers. "Okay, I want you both back in another month." 

"Sure thing, doc," Julio agrees, jumping off the examination table before Star can protest. 

The lineup for the lab is short. Julio gets some blood taken then ducks into the bathroom and takes a quick piss, dropping the sample off with one of the technicians. They get bundled up again before heading outside. The wind has died down, but now it's snowing heavily, the flakes catching on his eyelashes. Julio didn't really have plans beyond this for the day, and he's not sure if Star does either. 

"You wanna hang out?" Julio asks casually.

Star nods. 

~~

They go back to the apartment, where it's warm, and play video games for most of the afternoon. When that gets boring, they make out for a while, tentative, exploratory. Julio ignores his own panicked sense of urgency – his dick is so hard, and it has to be so obvious, but it still doesn't feel like something he's allowed to have – and lets Star kiss at his mouth, slow and methodical. They finally use their tongues. 

"Ah," Star breathes, the first time Julio licks inside.

Julio pulls back slightly. His lips feel really wet. "Too much?" 

Star shakes his head. "No," he assures him. "It just surprised me. Do it again."

They kiss for a long time, until they hear Rahne's key in the door. Separating, they nest into the blankets on the couch, strategically draped over their laps. Star's blushing, but Julio's too distracted by the thought that Star is hiding his own erection to do anything but stare at him with a dopey expression. 

"You're like two bloody teenagers," Rahne says with a sigh. "I got us a pizza if you're hungry." 

"Sounds good," Julio says, still not moving. He needs another minute or two, he thinks.

Rahne drops the pizza on the counter then starts pulling off her winter clothes. She hangs everything up, tucking her hat and scarf into the sleeve of her coat. Her gaze flickers down to the blankets, and she stands there, one hand on her hip, and says dryly, "I'm assuming your appointment went well then."

Julio looks at Star, who stares back. "She's making fun of us," he tells him, "in case you can't tell."

"I see," he says. 

Rahne makes a noise in her throat, but she's smiling. Julio grabs a couple of beers as Rahne tosses a roll paper towels at Star, who eventually gets that he's on napkin duty. Rahne brings the pizza into the living room, opening it to reveal a mountain of meat. They sit down on the couch, Julio in the middle, and settle in to watch a couple more episodes of the new Netflix show they've just started watching. 

~~

After that, Star folds naturally into their lives. Julio clears out a couple of his drawers, in case Star wants to keep stuff at their apartment. With Rahne's blessing, they give Star his own key. Officially, he's not moving in – he seems reluctant to leave Longshot on his own for too long, and despite the newness of their bond, they seem perfectly fine with spending time apart – but it's close enough. 

Rahne accidentally sees Star naked, which Julio finds deeply unfair, considering he hasn't yet, but they all have a good sense of humour about it, except Rahne can't stop blushing. That night, when Star's taking the garbage out, Rahne leans into him conspiratorially and says, "you won't be disappointed."

"Rahne Sinclair," he admonishes her, biting down a semi-hysterical giggle, "my virgin ears."

"Oh hush, I'll tease you if I like."

They're still cackling by the time Star comes back. Julio tells him, later, and Star just smiles demurely, fangs prominent, indenting the skin around his mouth. After that, it gets a little easier to _imagine_ Star without clothes on, because it feels like he's been given permission somehow. Like Star wants him to see, even if they haven't progressed past sloppy kisses and careful hands restricted to above the waist. 

It's like his body is slowly but surely coming alive again. 

Touching each other doesn't feel easy, but they're trying to get used to it. Julio's spent years flinching from any touch that felt even remotely pleasant, and while he doesn't know Star's entire history yet, he knows enough to understand that Star's in a similar place. Rahne notices, of course. It's hard to hide. 

On one of the nights that Star isn't there, Rahne asks, after a couple beers to bolster her confidence, "why haven't you slept with him yet? Are you afraid... because of what happened between us?"

"That's probably part of it," he admits. "That night sucked, Rahney."

"It wasn't all bad," she tells him gently. "We learned that we work best as very good friends."

"We do, don't we?"

Rahne nods. 

He smiles at her and decides to tell her the truth. "My soul-mark being weird... it's nothing that I did to it. Like, I didn't cause it by being gay or whatever I might've thought. All the pain I've felt with it... it's all his. He just... he needs more time. And you know me, Rahney. Waiting isn't exactly a deal-breaker."

"You're very good at respecting people's boundaries," Rahne tells him, taking his hand and holding it. He looks at her, a little sheepish, and she smiles sweetly. "You're still the only man who's seen me naked, as you well know. Even though we weren't meant to be, I've regretted nothing between us."

"For the record, you looked really good naked," Julio says, squeezing her hand. 

"That's kind of you to say," Rahne replies, blushing faintly. "You, too. Shatterstar will be pleased."

Julio leans into her, and she tucks herself under his arm, small and compact. They sit there for a while, sharing their space. He doesn't deserve her, her love or her patience or her understanding, but she's been selfless in giving it all. _There has to be someone for her_ , he thinks, pressing his face into her soft hair.

"I don't need your pity," she says, without pulling away.

"I wouldn't dare," he promises her, smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

Every year, he and Rahne spend hours searching for the perfect Christmas tree. It has to be the most pathetic one either of them has ever laid eyes on, and if it doesn't quite stand up straight or it's missing half its needles, all the better. Usually, they end up getting it for an amazing price, which is a nice perk. 

It's a fun tradition, one they both look forward to every year, but it's decidedly his and Rahne's. He stresses about it, stewing over it, thinking of ways to mention it in a way that doesn't hurt her feelings.

The day before, Rahne takes one look at him and says, "of course he's coming. You're part and parcel." She brings it up that night over dinner and makes it sound more like a command than an invitation. 

"I would be honoured," Star says with a slight bow of his head. Rahne, as usual, blushes.

The actual day starts with an early morning and chocolate chip waffles. Rahne is always in charge of the map, which she lays out on the kitchen table, possible locations marked with Christmas stickers. Star looks a little baffled by the level of detail, but he and Rahne are both scientists. They love details. 

Star also goes along with the matching pyjama pants – heavy fleece, red and black plaid, thick enough to handle the wind and the cold – and the Santa hats. Julio can barely remember what Star's glamour looks like, so maybe he pulls it off as a human, but he definitely looks like a giant dork in his true form. 

"Holy shit," Julio says, seeing him for the first time. Most of him wants to laugh because there's just so much going on, and it's _all_ ridiculous. "Dude, you better already love me, because that's, uh, a _look_. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend the entire day laughing my ass off whenever I look in your direction."

Star looks at him for a moment, head tilted, then smiles. "I do already love you," he assures him.

"Oh," Julio says, suddenly flustered. He hadn't actually meant to say that. "Okay. Thanks."

Star nods, going out into the hallway to put his boots and coat on. Rahne's still in the kitchen, getting the hot chocolate – made with real milk and melted Hershey bars – into their travel mugs. Julio quickly follows Star out, grabbing his hand and bringing it to his mouth. "I'm sorry," he says. "I love you, too."

"I know," Star tells him with a smile and leans down to kiss him. 

They're still kissing when Rahne comes into the hallway and clears her throat. "If you lovebirds are ready, there's a sad, sorry tree out there, just waiting for us. Take your hot chocolate, if you please."

It takes almost five hours, snow falling heavy and picturesque around them, before they find it. It's basically an over-sized twig, badly twisted and sparse with needles. They stand around it in a circle. 

"Will it even last until Christmas Day?" Star asks, dubious. Even Julio has to admit they've outdone themselves this year. This pathetic thing is the saddest, sorriest excuse for a tree he's ever seen. 

"It always does," Rahne assures him. "With a little love and kindness, it'll be just fine. You'll see."

They take it home on the 6, no one batting an eye at the three weirdos with the terrible Christmas tree. Star carries it down the street and up the stairs to their apartment, careful not to knock off any more needles. The rest of the afternoon is spent decorating it while they listen to cheery Christmas music.

Julio doesn't need to ask Star if he's having a good time. He can tell by their soul-mark that he is. It's the clearest Star's emotions have ever been to him, and it's a wonderful feeling that spreads warm over his arm and makes his skin tingle a little. Star keeps smiling at him over their tree. Once it's fully decorated, they gather together for a holiday selfie, and Julio realizes his smile matches Star's exactly.

"Now what?" Star asks after the photo. 

Rahne heads to the kitchen. "Now we open a bottle of red wine, watch Christmas movies and order in Chinese food. If we're aren't too drunk after all that, I bake cookies, and we eat them till we're sick."

"They're good cookies," Julio adds with a grin. 

"I'm sure they are," Star says politely. 

After the movies, full of cookies and pleasantly buzzed, they fall asleep in a pile on the couch. Julio wakes up once, head tipped back into the crook of Star's neck. Star's arm is looped across his shoulders, his hand pressed flat over Julio's heart. Star's chest lifts with each breath, rising and falling against Julio's back. Rahne is slumped against him, tucked up snug against him, snuffling over his collarbone. 

"Go back to sleep, Julio," Star says sleepily, nuzzling the back of his head.

"Is this comfortable for you?"

"Yes," Star replies, soft, barely audible. "Don't wake her. She's exhausted."

Julio nods, lifting a hand and gently laying it against the back of her hair. She sighs in her sleep.

~~

A few days later, Star texts him around lunch to ask if he'd have dinner with him and Longshot at their apartment. Rahne's also invited, but she and Tabitha have tickets for _Hamilton_. He accepts then spends the day playing video games, occasionally checking to see if any of his final grades are available online yet. Only one class is in. The mark is lower than he wanted, but mercifully, it's a pass. 

_It's fine_ , he tells himself. He'll just do better next time.

Julio arrives at Star and Longshot's place fifteen minutes early, grateful when Star immediately buzzes him in. It's snowing like crazy again. He is so sick of all this white shit already, and it's only December. 

At Julio's knock, Longshot answers the door. Seeing Longshot without his glamour, Julio feels like Rahne must have with Star and resists the urge to make the sign of the cross. Longshot's horns are bigger than Star's, curving out his forehead and over the back of his head. His hair is long and pale, like corn-silk, and his eyes glow brighter than Star's. The left one, in particular, flashes when he blinks. 

"I don't have any problem with you," Longshot tells him frankly, after looking him over. He steps aside so Julio can enter the apartment. Longshot takes Julio's coat from him and hangs it up in the hall closet. 

"Is there any reason you would?"

Longshot shrugs, shaking his head slightly. "Nothing that you need to worry about. I'm not nearly as useless as my kid thinks I am. I fully support this unholy union." Star's sigh carries all the way from the kitchen. "Can I get you anything to drink? Do you want to see pictures of Shatterstar as a baby?"

That's how he learns that Longshot carries around ratty old photos of Star in his wallet. Longshot leads him to the couch and spends the next half an hour detailing every embarrassing thing Star has done in his life. At one point, Star wanders out, glaring at Longshot, and gives them both a glass of wine. 

Star stands at Julio's shoulder for a few minutes, watching as Julio flips through the pictures again, before he eventually returns to his tomato sauce. "I wish you wouldn't tell him these things," he says.

"Zip it, kid. You have no idea how long I've waited for this day," Longshot replies with a bright grin. Julio can see why women would flock to him, even if he doesn't feel the pull himself. Longshot's smiles are easy and freely given. "Please forgive his rudeness. He's still in his rebellious teenage years."

Julio looks over at Star's back. "How long are those supposed to last?"

"I don't know. Another thirty, forty years. I might still be in them myself."

"You are," Star assures him.

Though he occasionally corrects Longshot from the kitchen, Star tolerates the stories, probably because Julio likes hearing them so much. He thinks about introducing Star to his own family, curious what they would say. He's not actually out to them, for a variety of reasons, but he wants his mom to know. 

_Maybe at Christmas_ , he thinks. 

And for the rest of them... he has a lot to forgive them for first, and he's not especially great at that. 

Eventually, Longshot runs out of stories to tell. They both jump up to help set the table. "Star sounds like he was a handful," Julio remarks as Star brings out the food, setting it down. There's a mound of pasta and fragrant meat sauce and two loaves of garlic bread, one of which Longshot happily claims. 

"I should have known he was a demon with that temper of his and the fact he never, ever slept."

"I still don't find that comical," Star tells him, trying to tug the loaf out of Longshot's hand, but Longshot refuses to let it go, eyes twinkling. "You cannot eat one entirely by yourself. It's rude."

Without breaking eye contact with Star, Longshot sinks his fangs into one end of the garlic bread. 

Star sighs, but Julio thinks that's maybe why he made two. He tries not to laugh.

It's not an easy relationship, this thing Star and Longshot have between them. Not like Star has with his mom. They fight and annoy each other, and they're more like brothers than father and child. But he can tell Longshot's trying hard to make it a little better for both of them and that Star is actually letting him. 

Julio knows a lot about fucked up families. He doesn't judge them. 

~~

It's a pleasant night, all in all. Longshot doesn't go out, which Star completely fails to hide his surprise at, and they watch movies for a few hours. Julio sits between them on their couch. After, he and Star decide just to spend the night there, in Star's huge bed. He discovers Star has bought him his own toothbrush. He gets ready for bed, brushing his teeth as Longshot and Star argue quietly in the hallway.

Star's face is red and blotchy when Julio steps out of the bathroom. He follows Julio into his room. 

Julio strips down to his underwear, sliding under the silky covers. Star stands at the foot of the bed and looks at him for a long time before undressing as Julio watches him. A patchy blush has covered his entire body, and it's weirdly attractive. With a sigh, Star climbs under the covers then turns off the light.

"He's concerned I don't know what to do with you," Star says, lying on his back, arms crossed. 

"It's none of his fucking business," Julio replies, a mean edge to his voice that he doesn't try to soften. Star snorts in the same way, a little nasty, a little angry. "And it takes two to tango, dude. I'm definitely not planning on just lying there and thinking of England when we finally decide to get naked together." 

Star doesn't say anything.

Julio adds uncertainly, "unless you want me to...?"

Star makes a sound, low in his throat. "May we please discuss this later? When it is light outside and you are not in my bed, smelling so..." Star trails off. He exhales sharply then rolls onto his side. Julio touches a finger to his chest, over the beat of his heart, and Star exhales. "Sorry. It has been a long day."

"Feel free to vent," Julio tells him. "Complaining about shit out loud always makes me feel better." 

Star looks a little reluctant, but he takes Julio up on his offer. "They keep _laughing_ at me."

"The other incubi?"

"Who else? And then Longshot... there was almost a duel. Over me. I work so hard to prolong their lives, and then they senselessly try to throw them away. The Old Ways will lead to all our deaths." Star presses his lips together, shaking his head, his frustration tangible. "Longshot would have easily won." 

"Well, that's good, isn't it?"

"I suppose. They forget he trained with me in Asgard. He can be deadly when it suits him. When he is not thinking entirely with his penis." Julio snorts, and Star allows himself the slightest of smiles. Folding his hand over the one Julio has on his chest, Star changes the subject. "How was your day?"

"Fine. Passed at least one of my classes, which is great because I barely even remember writing finals."

"You were so ill," Star says, touching his knuckles to Julio's cheek. "I was very worried." 

"Yeah. But I get a lot of leeway, too. It's pretty rare to have someone with a fucked up soul-mark in one of your classes. So maybe I passed because I knew my shit or maybe I passed because of pity. I'll take it either way. Marks like this will get me into grad school, no problem. I'm okay with good enough."

"I hope things will be better for you now," Star says. 

"Me, too."

They lie there for a little while, not speaking. Star's eyes remain locked on his face. Julio assumes he can see in the dark, with eyes like that. It would make sense. The image of a naked Star coming to him in the middle of the night crosses his brain, brief, barely sketched out, but his breath heightens anyway. 

"There is only one bad thing about sharing a bed with you," Star tells him, voice barely audible.

"What's that?" 

"You don't masturbate when we are together," he says, drawing a single finger down the centre of Julio's chest, the feather-light pressure easing as he approaches Julio's belly button. "It is getting easier for you," Star adds like Julio somehow hadn't noticed. "I think that's because I look forward to it now."

"Fuck, dude," Julio breathes and can just make out the glint of Star's grin in the semi-darkness. 

Julio leans over him, making his intentions completely obvious, and kisses him deeply. In the dark, trying not to make any noise, they make out for a long time. Julio's erection presses into the mattress, insistent, desperate, but he mostly ignores it. He keeps his focus on Star's mouth, the way Star opens under him, his tongue hot and slick, moving with a confidence the rest of his body doesn't share.

Julio tries not to imagine what his hand would look like on Star's body, below his waist, on his cock. Tries not to think about the sounds Star would make, how he'd squirm. Their bond is a two-way street. He knows as much as he tries to find time to jerk off, Star doesn't at all. He's wound as tight as a spring. 

Julio thinks, if Star just let himself go and stopped fighting it so much, he'd feel so much better. 

But the bond also makes one thing clear: Star doesn't want to be touched like that, not yet. Julio would have known that anyway. It's in every line of his body, and Julio isn't the type to push this sort of shit on anyone. So Julio keeps everything strictly limited to Star's mouth. His wet, open, kissable mouth. 

Eventually, he rolls onto his back and exhales.

"Are you okay?" Star asks as Julio drapes his forearm loosely over his eyes. 

"Yeah, fine. Though, heads up, I'm probably going to defile your shower tomorrow."

"Longshot will be at yoga," Star tells him pragmatically, "and I will neither disturb nor stop you."

Julio snorts. "Good to know," he says. Star must know what he's feeling right then, how hard he is, how desperate he is for some sort of relief. His own hand is doing its job, but his body – his fucking _soul_ – wants more, and they both know it. Julio falls asleep with Star's gaze locked on his face, burning. 

~~

Before they get a chance to talk about sex, Star disappears for forty-eight hours. He gets flashes of anger or annoyance that aren't his from time to time through their soul-mark, so he's sure Star's fine and doesn't worry too much. When Star does show up again, he looks tired. Julio's lying in bed, reading. Star undresses without offering any explanation, but he's got a giant bruise on his torso. Julio stares.

"It is nothing. A minor injury. It will heal by morning," Star tells him after he realizes Julio's not going stop if he doesn't explain himself. Star kneels on the bed, wearing only a pair of black briefs, and Julio continues to stare at him. Star sighs. "There was another attack, but Longshot and I took care of it."

"Is this ever going to stop?"

"I don't know," Star admits. "But it cannot continue like this. We need to be feared if we are to survive. A few of the others have agreed to learn to fight, so that is something. And though it pains me to admit it, my magic is getting stronger. That has been helpful. The others have already noticed a difference."

It takes Julio a moment to realize _why_ Star's magic is getting stronger. He says nothing. 

Star looks down at him. The open longing, the open _desire_ , on his face takes Julio's breath away. 

_Anything_ , Julio thinks, swallowing hard. _Anything you want, it's yours_. 

Without warning, Star moves over him completely, and Julio's legs part almost instinctively. He wants to wrap them around Star's hips, to pull him closer and fit their bodies together. He wants to feel Star's cock, feel how hard he must be, like Julio is, the wet head of his dick already pushing out of his underwear. He feels like he's over-ready now, over-ripe, desperate. The worst thing is he can't hide it. 

Star's knuckles skim along his side, over the fabric of his shirt, as his mouth does this thing to Julio's neck – not quite a bite, not quite a kiss, but hot and wet – that causes Julio to arch his back and moan.

And it's perfect and amazing and then it just... _isn't_ anymore. 

"Fekt!" Star snaps suddenly, pushing back and putting a hand over his face.

"What?" Julio says, dazed. He sits up, blankets pooled in his lap, and reaches for Star, who still has his palm pressed against his head. Julio puts a hand on his wrist and gently pushes Star's arm down. His eyes are very wide and very bright, and his lips are bleeding where his fangs have cut into them. 

"I'm an incubus," Star says, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. Julio isn't sure what else to say but _I know_ , so he doesn't say anything. There isn't a moment where Julio isn't aware of who Star is. "You deserve someone better," Star adds roughly, "someone human. Better than... what I am."

"You don't get to decide that," Julio tells him, anger flaring up in him, bright as a flame, before he can stop it. The textbooks have chapters dedicated to what to do when a bond is threatened. He had dismissed it all as melodramatic nonsense, but he feels it now, feels Star pulling at it, pulling away. 

"I don't want to talk about this," Star says abruptly, standing up and tugging on his pants.

"Where are you going?"

"I should not have come to you in this mood. You make me feel out of control. I cannot think straight."

"Running away isn't the answer," Julio tells him, anger giving way to desperation. He tries to keep his voice low, so Rahne doesn't hear. It comes out hoarse. "Stay, please. We'll work it out together. Okay?" 

Star shakes his head once, hard, then finishes dressing and leaves. Julio can feel how torn he is, and he's keenly aware of how different they are. Physically, emotionally. He isn't afraid of him – Star would die before he hurt him, he's sure of that – but he also doesn't know what to do. So he just... lets him go.

He just lets him walk away, without knowing if he'll ever come back. 

~~

Rahne finds him, later, sitting on the couch in the dark, drinking a beer and googling for answers about fighting with your soulmate. He doesn't even know if that was a fight. They weren't angry at each other, and Julio's logical, scientific brain knows that, but it feels the same, deep in his gut, sick and twisted. 

"Shh," she says, sitting down next to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, "it'll be fine." 

He closes his eyes. "You sure? Because I definitely think I fucked that up. I should have known the right words to say. I mean, isn't that how this works? Isn't this why we leave all this shit to fate?"

"As sure as I've been of anything. You have to trust in yourself. In him. In both your souls."

"I think our souls might be idiots," Julio replies, with a wet laugh, and Rahne squeezes him.

"That may be so," she murmurs, kissing the top of his head, "but they've told you who they want. Even if it's hard. Even if it feels like no one's ever had to work this hard. He'll come back to you, I promise."

She pries the beer from his hand and turns off his phone. She literally tucks him into bed, practically growling at him when he tries to protest. She lies down with him, over the covers, and snuggles up closely. It's painfully and terribly familiar. They had shared a bed, leading up to that disaster of a night.

His soul literally aches, but for which of them, he isn't quite sure.

~~

Julio wakes up the next morning, alone in the apartment, and shuffles into the bathroom, peeing with the door open since Rahne isn't there. He goes into the kitchen and reheats a mug of coffee. It's only when he's in the living room turning on the television that he notices Star sitting out on the fire escape.

Julio opens the window and sticks his head out. "You gonna stay out there all day?" he asks. 

Star shrugs. 

"If you want to punish yourself, I'd prefer you do it inside where it's warm. You'll freeze your balls off."

"That would solve most of my problems," Star replies, tipping his head back against the brick behind him and staring up into the sky. He looks miserable, and Julio really fucking hopes he hasn't been out there all night. He has no idea what to do with a frostbitten, self-loathing incubus. "I am sorry, Julio."

"It's okay. Apology accepted. Will you please come inside?"

Star nods and ducks into the apartment. His cheeks are pink and chaffed, and Julio wastes no time in putting his hands on them. A heartbreaking sound passes between Star's lips as Star folds into his arms.

"Tell me what you need," Julio murmurs, stroking a hand down his back. He leads Star to the couch and makes him sit down. Julio is careful not to let go of him. "How I can make this better for you?"

"You cannot make me human," Star says, pressing his face into the crook of Julio's neck as Julio rubs circles between his shoulder blades. "And I cannot... all I think about is... when I try to imagine being with you, sexually, it is always... always as a _demon_. I dream about it constantly. I cannot make it stop."

"What happens in these dreams?"

Star exhales softly, warm against Julio's throat. "I come to you in the middle of the night. Naked. Aroused. I lay over you, and you..." Star pauses, breathing hard. He's turned on, obviously so. "You are waiting for me. Spreading your legs for me. And then I..." Star stops again, and Julio can see the blush blossoming across the back of his neck, red as a ruby. "I possess you. Physically. With my erect penis."

Julio waits for him to continue, but that seems to be it. "So you want to fuck me?" he says slowly, in case he missed something important. Star lifts his head and glares. "Hey, I'm just trying to understand."

"I want to devour your lust to satisfy my own. I want to _consume_ you."

Julio raises an eyebrow.

"Not literally," Star mumbles, glancing away self-consciously, "figuratively." 

"Isn't that how your sex magic works?" Julio replies, after a slight pause. He wants to take Star's feelings seriously, but he's _really_ struggling to see the problem. "It's normal to want to fuck your boyfriend. I _want_ you to want to fuck me. I want you to want to do a whole bunch of things to me."

"I am not sure I will be able to stop, once I have you," Star says. "What if that is all I want to do?" 

Star says it like it's the worst thing imaginable, and Julio tries not to smile. "As fun as that sounds, I have shit to do, too. I still need to apply to grad school and pass my final semester, and I want to do my PhD. I'm sure we'll find plenty of time to fuck – when we want to, which will probably be a lot – but I promise I can resist your dick. We wouldn't share this soul-mark if we weren't on the same page."

"Don't make fun of me," Star warns. 

"I'm not," Julio promises him. "I'm just saying... nothing about this sounds abnormal."

"I am an _incubus_ , Julio," Star says, with so much loathing that Julio almost flinches. 

"But I've always known you are. You told me, the first night we met, and I still don't even know why you'd risk doing that. For all you knew, I could have been like all those other demons panting after your magical jizz." Star makes a growling noise in his throat, but Julio continues, "we're in this together."

"What if I lose control?"

"Would you hurt me? Do something I didn't want you to do?"

" _No_ ," Star says, physically reeling back, eyes flashing bright, "no, I would _never_ , Julio. I promise you."

"Then we're all good. Okay? We'll work through all of this." Julio puts his hand on Star's face, thumb resting at the bottom edge of their soul-mark. "Just forget anything anyone's ever said to you about sex, human _or_ demon. We'll figure out what we like through good old-fashioned trial and error. We'll be fine."

"When?" Star asks, still looking faintly dubious. "I would feel better if we had a concrete date."

"Do you want to do it the incubus way?" Julio asks. 

"No," Star says, too quickly, and Julio makes a face. "Yes. I don't know. I shouldn't want to."

"But it's okay if you do. I know your relationship with them is complicated, but... if you're going to accept other people's natures, you have to accept your own. I'm totally okay with the whole incubus thing – it's really fucking hot, dude – but we have all the time in the world to try everything else, too."

"I _hate_ them for what they took from me. I wanted to be different, but I am not. At all."

Julio smiles softly. "You are," he tells him. "I mean, you know you have a soul, right?"

He watches Star's face as he parses through what Julio just said. He's not surprised, more like... Julio just confirmed something for him. Star sighs. "Or something like one. Yes, I suspected. Our mark would not make sense otherwise. It is not like yours, but nothing else is. That doesn't change anything."

"Yeah, you're still you," Julio agrees. "And you're still an incubus, so let's do this the incubus way." 

"I don't have to," Star insists stubbornly. 

"I want you to, okay? I want you to have this experience, and I want to share it with you. I'm assuming this is what the Rite of Passage is?" Star looks away, which Julio takes as a confirmation. "Then let me help you pass it. I'm amazing at taking tests. I was a student tutor until this year. I'm just too busy now."

"I have already failed it. I had until the end of my twenty-first year. It cannot be undone."

"I vote we try anyway," Julio replies. 

Star considers that for a moment then, _finally_ , nods. "When?" he asks again, gaze fixed on Julio's face.

Julio smiles. "Rahne's going on a girls weekend with Tabitha, Xi'an, Kitty and Illyana for New Year's. They invited me, but I can only take so much pity, you know? So I turned them down, like, ages ago. I was just gonna get loaded and smoke up all weekend, alone, but this sounds like a way better option."

"In a week and a half?"

"Yeah," Julio says, even though he knows it's mostly rhetorical, and Star nods again, his relief visible. 

~~

The last few days before Christmas are busy ones. Julio gets the rest of his marks back, and they're better than he expected, so he's still on target for getting his applications submitted in time. Rahne's equally ready. Their preference is to stay in New York, together, but he knows there are no guarantees. 

"I will go with you wherever you end up," Star tells him when Julio finally thinks to mention it. Their entire relationship has been a whirlwind – fast and filled with overwhelming emotions and intense conversations – and he can't always remember if he's told Star something or not. "I am not concerned."

"What about the other incubi?" 

"Once my magic gets strong enough, I should be able to teleport here if they need me."

Julio chokes on his coffee. Of course he can. He has no idea why he ever even bothers to ask. 

~~

Star comes with him when he tries to finish up his Christmas shopping. A random demon starts sniffing around Julio when they're on the subway, but Star does this weird posturing thing, and she quickly backs off. 

"Did you just stake your claim?" Julio asks, looking up from his phone.

"Yes," Star replies, heckles still up, eyes bright. "The sooner you are no longer a virgin, the better." 

"I'm not even going to ask."

"Okay," Star replies, even though Julio sorta wanted to know. He's still not used to how literal Star is.

He takes Star to his favourite used bookstore. "Rahne is really into romance novels about werewolves," he tells him, heading to the appropriate section. Star dutifully follows. "I mean, she'll take vampires in a pinch, but it's an annual tradition that I find her at least one she hasn't read before." 

"You have a lot of traditions."

"I'm a traditional sort of guy," Julio replies, lasting about two seconds before he cracks up. 

Star rolls his eyes, but he helps Julio look through the books. It's a lucky year – he finds three that Rahne doesn't own – and then he moves onto the rest of the store. Star wanders off on his own long enough for Julio to find a book about the early career of Dazzler. He discreetly pays for it and Rahne's books while Star is distracted in the erotica section. Julio just prays he isn't stressing himself out again.

Julio tries not to think about New Year's. It feels very far away. 

They finish their shopping – or rather, Julio finishes his since Star claims he's been done for weeks – and have a late lunch in Time Square, the lights reflecting in the gold of Star's eyes, making them look even more ethereal. He loves New York with every fibre of his being, but it's not his home. He decides that he'll take Star to Guadalajara someday. Not just as a fuck you to his family, but because he loves it.


	8. Chapter 8

On Christmas Eve, he and Rahne pack overnight bags and take the 6 to Alison's apartment. Rahne glares at him from across the subway car, which he knows are just her nerves showing. He doesn't blame her, but this is the compromise they came up with. Rahne spends Christmas Eve with Julio; Julio spends Christmas Eve with Rahne _and_ Star; Star spends Christmas Eve with his mom _and_ Julio. 

Easy, except Rahne is a bundle of anxiety, and nothing Julio does seems to be helping. 

"I hate you, Julio Richter," she says, staring up at Alison's building, cheeks pink with the cold.

"Relax," he says, giving her a one-armed hug. "Star's mom is cool. You'll love her. I promise."

Rahne looks dubious, but she follows him up once they're buzzed in. Star is already there, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a Mets tee-shirt, hair tied up in a bun. He is also, inexplicably, covered in flour. "I am on bread duty," Star explains, trying to brush it off him. "I was ambushed by my mother."

"He falls for the same pranks every year. You're far too trusting, sweetie," Alison says, patting his back. She holds out her hands, taking one of Rahne's between them. "You must be Rahne. I've heard so much about you. I always love playing in Scotland. And my son tells me you're amazing at baking cookies."

Rahne goes pink. "I like to think so," she admits then adds, "and I'm also famous for my gingerbread."

Star shows them to their rooms – Rahne on her own, Julio in with Star – and then it's an afternoon in the kitchen, baking and talking and listening to Christmas songs on the radio. The station plays several Dazzler songs – she's made many holiday albums – which they are all too polite to acknowledge. 

For dinner, it's Star's fresh baked bread alongside bowls of hearty beef and potato stew and mugs of mulled wine, both made in slow cookers. They sit at Alison's enormous dining room table, gathered together at one end. The fireplace crackles behind them, warming the room. Outside, it's snowing hard.

Rahne finally starts to relax, doing the dishes with Alison, and Julio finally exhales.

Later, they watch _A Christmas Carol_ – the Alastair Sim version, in black and white – which Julio's never actually seen before. Alison and Star get excited at the same parts and laugh at all the same jokes. He thinks Star might have a few traditions of his own, and the thought fills him with a deep fondness. 

Over the course of the movie, they spread out over the two luxurious couches, he and Star on one of them, Rahne and Alison on the other. He ends up with Star between his legs, settled comfortably against his chest. Similarly, Alison has Rahne tucked up tightly under her arm, a hand in her hair. 

It's comfortable. It's the closest thing to _family_ that Julio has felt in a while. He savours it. 

~~

Eventually, they shuffle off to bed. Star lingers behind, and Julio pauses, circling back to join him.

"What's up?"

Star motions him forward with a flick of two fingers, and Julio approaches him warily. He just about to make it clear to Star that he doesn't _do_ pranks when Star leans forward and kisses him. Julio thinks, if he just remembered to kiss him hello every time he saw him, he probably wouldn't be so desperate by the time they finally did. But then, if he _did_ remember, he would miss out on moments like this one.

Julio pulls back and looks up. "Really, dude?" he asks, laughing. _Fucking mistletoe_. 

"My father will be here tomorrow morning," Star says, smiling, eyes warm. "This is much a warning for you as it is an indulgence for me. He will kiss you or anyone else who comes near this mistletoe." 

"I'll keep my guard up," Julio promises. 

He's still smiling as he brushes his teeth and changes into his pyjamas – the same plaid pants from their Christmas tree adventure and a t-shirt with a moose playing hockey on it, that Rahne got for him last Christmas. He watches as Star changes into his own sleep clothes and braids his hair so it doesn't knot. 

Star crawls across the enormous bed and lies down beside him. "Did you have a good evening?"

"Yeah, it was fun."

"My mother was very happy you and Rahne accepted her invitation. It is usually a very quiet night for her. It always has been, even before, when we still thought I was human. My grandfather passed away while I was in Asgard," Star says. Julio touches his thumb to the crinkle of skin between his eyebrows. 

"Do you have a grandmother?"

"She left when my mother was a child. They do not speak."

"Does Longshot have anyone?"

Star shakes his head. "No. His own father was killed when he was just a baby, and whoever his mother was, her name was never recorded in our records. The Old Ways often diminish the role of the human mother. His only remaining family is me, and my mother, and you, I suppose, if you will have him."

Julio snorts softly. "Just wait till you meet my fucked up family. You'll feel so much better."

"I would like to. I can tell when you think of them. Of Guadalajara. Both things make you sad."

"Yeah, but hey, things are looking up, right? I almost have all my shit together now," he says, tugging lightly on Star's braid, and Star smiles at him. "We should go next summer. It's really beautiful then."

Star nods then asks, a small and mischievous twist to his lips, "will they like me?"

"Fuck no. They don't even like me," Julio replies with a grin. 

They laugh so hard that they wake everyone else up. They're not even sorry about it. 

~~

The next morning, Longshot shows up at dawn, ornaments hanging from his horns. Julio is just tired enough to forget Star's words of caution, and Longshot presses a noisy kiss to his cheek. Star looks like he's going to die of embarrassment, especially after he'd explicitly warned him, but it's hilarious.

"Merry Christmas, Longshot," Julio says, pushing him away. There's a faint tinkling of bells.

Longshot smiles brightly. "Merry Christmas, Julio. Who put up the mistletoe?"

"I'm taking it down," Alison says, coming out of the kitchen with three mimosas in champagne flutes. Rahne follows, carrying another pair. Once they're passed out, Alison climbs on a chair and yanks the mistletoe off the ceiling. "I shouldn't have let Shatterstar put it up to begin with. It's incubus catnip."

"Oh, that's a little interesting," Julio says, staring at Star, who pretends not to notice. 

Watching Star's parents together is strange. They're comfortable with each other, though there's also an obvious tension, which makes sense, from what Julio knows of their history. But they were married – and possibly still are, Julio's not clear about their status – and they had a child together. Alison responds to Longshot, physically, the same way Rahne does to incubi in general, but it seems far more intimate.

Julio stops discreetly trying to spy on them, once he realizes that.

They exchange their first round of presents (the second round will be between him, Star and Rahne, after dinner). Rahne has made a full set of winter gear for both Alison and Longshot, after days of fruitful stress knitting brought on by this very situation. Alison gives them each a painting, which is a little surprising, but they'll look amazing on the wall of their apartment, lined up in a neat row of three.

Because she gave Star one, too. Star can't stop smiling at it. 

While Star is being spoiled by both of his parents, Julio fearfully tugs at the paper on the present Longshot gave him. Rahne watches curiously, a box of loose tea and several romance novels balanced on her knees, both from Longshot. It's a pretty thoughtful gift, which is why Julio has hope this may not be as bad he fears. _Please don't be dildos or vibrators or just sex toys in general_ , he thinks.

It might be worse. 

It's a set of expensive silk sheets and a happy face that Longshot drew on a Post-It note.

"You are so embarrassing," Star tells him sternly, but Longshot just smiles, pleased with himself.

Julio drains the rest of his mimosa in one gulp. 

As eleven rolls around, Rahne presses a kiss to his cheek while he and Star are still lounging in the living room, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace. "I have to leave if I'm to make mass on time. I'll take the presents with me. Wander home whenever you're ready. Tabby and I have dinner duty covered."

"Okay." Julio leans back so Rahne can kiss Star, too. "We might go for a skate at Rockefeller Center."

"I have never been," Star adds. 

They stick around a little longer, finishing up whatever is leftover from brunch, then eventually leave. Alison kisses them both, on the cheek, and Longshot does the same, quick and normal, without a joke. He doesn't seem to be in any hurry to go. If Star has any feelings about that, he doesn't betray them.

~~

Skating is awesome. It's busy as they pay for their admission and skate rental. Star is a little like a newborn deer at the beginning, wobbly, a little cautious, but once he realizes skates are basically swords strapped to his feet, he gets better at it. Julio couldn't skate at all when he moved to New York, but he got into watching hockey then talked Rahne into teaching him. He still isn't great, but it's fun. 

For the first time, Julio isn't annoyed by all the soulmates moving around in pairs and bigger groups, hand in hand, getting in the way of the solo skaters. It's a little magical, surrounded by all the lights. There's even another incubus there, with a human woman. He and Star nod politely at each other.

"Friend of yours?" Julio asks with a laugh. There's something a little different about the other incubus that he can't quite place a finger on, but he only recognizes what he is because of his horns and eyes.

"Potential ally," Star replies. "His mother wasn't human but an alien. It is a very complicated situation, almost more so than mine, and I know he is dissatisfied with the current state of things. He also has a talent for chaos and violence that I hope to leverage. His true name, however, is utterly ridiculous." 

Julio laughs then tries to be as literal as he can be about what he wants. "Please tell me," he says. 

"X-Treme," Star replies with a pained expression. He adds, "his father must have hated him."

~~

After, Star disappears before returning with hot chocolates, topped with whipped cream and sprinkles. Star, from what Julio can tell, survives entirely on meat and sugar. It must be nice because Julio definitely can't. They find a place to sit – thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder – and enjoy the drinks.

It's not like he cares if other people know they're soulmates, but it just feels good, being close. Even if Star did have a mark other people could see, Julio doesn't think they'd ever resort to clear panels on their sleeves or whatever else other soulmates might do. It's enough that they know what they are.

While they're sitting there, ankles hooked together, he calls his mom.

" _Feliz Navidad, Mamá_ ," he says when she answers. Beside him, Star sips his drink, people-watching. 

" _Feliz Navidad, Julio_ ," she replies, warm and happy to hear from him. 

They talk for a while, about what he's missing back home, about what he's been up to. She's proud of him when he tells her his grades for the semester. She has never said – and he's never asked – but he thinks she wanted him to spread his own wings and escape, away from the Richter family legacy.

He doesn't think he's actually going to do it until he realizes she's about to say goodbye. " _Mamá_...?" he says, soft, voice embarrassingly wobbly. Without speaking, Star puts down his drink and takes his free hand. On the other end, his mom is silent, waiting for him to continue. "I met my soulmate, _Mamá_."

"Oh, Julio," she gasps. He thinks she might be crying. He thinks he might start. 

"We're soul-bonded, and it's good," he tells her, barely above a whisper. " _He's_ really good for me."

"He must be if he's yours," she says with no hesitation. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, mijo. What a gift!"

Julio looks over at Star, who smiles back, eyes crinkled at the corners, happy. Julio doesn't know if that's his own emotion or something he's picking up from Julio. He glances at the phone, silently asking the question, and Star nods, silently answering it. "Do you want to speak to him? He knows Spanish."

"Of course, Julio."

Star talks to his mother for five minutes, barely getting a word in edgewise, but he's polite, and his Spanish is perfect. He passes the phone back, and Julio finishes up the call. When he hangs up, he leans into Star and takes a selfie with the two of them. He sent her a Christmas package, but this feels better. 

~~

They head home for dinner, holding hands. Julio texts Rahne to let her know and check to make sure he doesn't need to pick up anything they've forgotten, but she assures him that everything is taken care of. It starts to snow – Julio is so fucking sick of snow – and they warm each other up by making out in the doorway to the apartment building, buying a little more time together. Eventually, they go upstairs. 

Julio is barely paying attention when suddenly people are shouting, "surprise!" It's pure luck that he entered first. It gives him just enough time to fling his hand back and press it against Star's stomach. Star immediately drops his hands away from his back, from where he typically summons his swords. 

"What the fuck?" Julio says, taking a deep breath. Behind him, he feels Star slump. "I hate surprises."

"Well, suck it up, buttercup, because it's the way things are done," Tabitha tells him. 

Behind her, Xi'an looks deeply apologetic, while Kitty looks bemused and Illyana looks... vaguely demonic. Not fully demon, but no longer completely human either. _That's interesting_ , Julio thinks curiously, and while her blank expression is hard to read, he realizes she knows exactly what Star is. And if she didn't, it looks like she's already met Longshot, who's standing behind her with Alison. 

Tabitha keeps talking. "Do you know how hard it was to schedule this, Ric? Rahne kept putting us off."

"I was kinda hoping it wouldn't happen at all," Julio replies.

"If you're done being salty because your friends like you too much and want to celebrate you and Ben finding each other and being soul-bonded... here's your bloody hat," Rahne says, snapping a party hat over his head. The cheap elastic cuts into his chin. "And take a beer, too. For your delicate nerves." 

"May I have one as well?" Star asks, looming over Julio's shoulder, and Rahne nods primly. 

Julio resolves to apologize later, when the vision of his soulmate slaughtering everybody he knows on Christmas because they surprised him is a little less vivid. It hadn't even occurred to him Rahne would throw them a party. He didn't think anybody cared enough about his happiness to actually come to one. 

He was clearly wrong.

"Thanks for coming everyone," he says, with only the slightest bit of sarcasm. He can't help his nature.

~~ 

The night is better after that. He apologizes, privately, to Rahne in the kitchen, and they hug it out. Star, similarly, disappears with Illyana for about ten minutes, under the guise of taking out a single bag of garbage. It takes Julio another five minutes to get Star alone, in his room, to find out what's going on.

"Is everything okay?" Julio asks, in Spanish. He mostly means _is Illyana gonna freak the fuck out?_

Star nods, his party hat sitting slightly off-centre on his head. "Her grandmother was a demon who, instead of luring her grandfather to his death in her forest, fell in love. She married him and bore his children. She does not, for one moment, believe that Longshot is my brother, but she also cannot see through the magic he has put on my mother. She appears to be rather blasé about the entire matter." 

"That's just how she is."

Star nods again. "I like your hat," he says abruptly, and Julio makes a face, laughing as Star kisses him.

~~

During dinner, Julio and Star find out that Tabitha, Xi'an, Kitty and Illyana spent the entire morning at their apartment, cooking and getting ready for the party, while Rahne plotted behind their back. The food is pretty much the same they have every year – a mix of their favourite Christmas dishes from back home or, in Kitty's case, food she would typically eat during Hanukkah – but there's a cake with their soul-mark on it. Julio inexplicably tears up when he sees it. Star puts his hand on Julio's back.

"We're so glad you found each other," Rahne says, speaking for all of them, eyes glistening. 

"Thank you," Star says when he realizes Julio can't. "We appreciate the well-wishes. I know we will be very happy together. He is... the best person I have ever known. I am honoured to be loved by him." 

"That's not actually helping," Julio says wetly, wiping at his face with his hands. 

"Oh, shit, now I'm crying, too," Tabitha announces, blowing her nose noisily into a napkin.

Much to Julio's relief, everybody laughs, and Tabitha winks at him. Julio manages to cut the cake – his hand folded over Star's as the knife slides easily through the vanilla sponge – without embarrassing himself any further. They follow tradition and feed each other the cake, sealing it with a sweet kiss. 

~~

Over the next few hours, they eat, drink and celebrate whatever holiday they feel like celebrating. As usual, it's mostly an excuse to hang out. Eventually, the party starts to wind down, but not before everyone helps tidy up. For the first time, he notices a decorated box with envelopes stuffed into it. 

"From all of us," Rahne says, handing it over. "May your bond be blessed with good fortune."

They say their goodbyes – lots of kisses, a decent number of hugs, one aloof lift of the chin from Illyana – and then the three of them collapse onto the couch. Julio is exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open, but there are still presents to open, and he has a half-empty beer floating around somewhere.

Eventually, Julio peels himself off the couch, locates his beer, then hands out the presents. Rahne goes first, laughing at the werewolf books he's managed to find for her, buried in a giant box of new yarn, the expensive shit she would never buy for herself. Star gives her a sweater, made of soft wool. Julio knows the story behind it, but it's Star's story to tell, if he ever does. He got it for her from Asgard. 

The wolves he wasn't raised by, apparently, have a long tradition of making awesome shit with wool.

In a similar vein, Rahne has knit them both sweaters. Star's has a large S on it, while Julio's has an R. "They're Weasley sweaters," she explains like it even needs to be. Julio immediately knew what they were. "It took me a while to settle on the letters, but I think Ric and Shatterstar made the most sense." 

"Can't have _everyone_ calling me Julio," Julio agrees with a grin. "It's awesome. Thanks, Rahney."

"Thank you," Star adds, pulling it over his head. It catches on one of his tiny horns, and Julio laughs.

"Do you want privacy?" Rahne asks as Star hands Julio his gift.

They look at each other, and that's really all they need. "Nah," Julio says easily, hoping he isn't blushing or anything that will give him away, "turns out we aren't mushy." It's not really a lie – they're pretty straightforward and pragmatic people – but they both know their real gift is still a few days away. 

Which is, Julio's willing to admit, a little mushy. 

Julio opens his present, which is a pair of tickets to the Rangers game on the 31st taped to a board game called Distraction, which Julio has never played. He glares at Star, who has the best poker face on the planet. It actually hurts, trying to force himself not to react. "I assume you're coming with me," he says. 

"I plan on it," Star agrees with a bland look, and Julio sighs. 

_Fucking double entendres_ , he thinks, rolling his eyes. 

Rahne gives them a look that clearly says _cut it out_. 

Julio gives Star the Dazzler book first. His eyes light up. Then Julio passes him a small box. Curious, Star unwraps it and opens the lid. It's a silver watch. It's nothing fancy – though Julio spent more money on it than he's ever spent on himself, outside of his education – but there's a lot of meaning attached to it. 

"It's a tradition in my family," he explains, "to give your soulmate a watch. I don't even know why. Nobody ever bothered to tell me because they assumed I wouldn't need to know. But I did. I do."

"Thank you, Julio," Star says and smiles at him, as bright as the sun. 

~~

The next few days pass in a blur. Rahne has to know what's going on, even though she doesn't mention it, but she gives him an extra long hug before she leaves on her trip. In her absence, he cleans the apartment then digs around in his closet for his Rangers jersey. He meets up with Star outside Madison Square Garden at noon. Star greets him with a deep kiss, licking possessively into his mouth. It isn't the sort of kiss Julio usually wants the general public to witness, but he can't help respond to it eagerly.

Eventually, Star pulls back, lips wet, and Julio tries to get back into game mode. He needs a beer.

"You want anything to eat?" he asks, after they head inside, looking at the menu. "Nachos? Popcorn?"

"Whatever you desire," Star replies, staring at him. He hasn't taken his gaze off Julio's face once. 

"Then both," Julio decides, trying to ignore him. They still have hours to get through, and Star looking at him like he's finally accepted he's a sex demon isn't going to make that time pass any quicker. He gives Star the beers, and they make their way to their seats, centre ice, a few rows up from the bench.

Julio plops down into his seat with a low whistle. "Shit, dude, how much did these cost you?" 

"Longshot called in a favour." Star hands Julio one of the beers without glancing down to see where Julio's hand is. Julio wonders when the last time Star blinked was. "They were still very expensive." 

"Are you planning on watching the game at all?" Julio asks dryly.

"At some point," Star assures him.

Julio sips his beer and tries not to encourage him. He's pretty sure they can be seen on TV from here. 

~~ 

Star does, eventually, watch the game, though he doesn't understand the rules at all. Julio tries to explain things like icing and offside, but then there's a line brawl, and Star is completely distracted by the fights. He also doesn't understand why ten grown men are forced to stand in two very small boxes.

"That is deeply unfair," Star decides. "They were simply entertaining us, as we demanded."

Julio snorts. "I think you just hate rules."

"Only when they are archaic," Star replies. 

The game ends, and the Rangers win. They file out with the crowd, into the sharp cold. Normally, he'd just spend the rest of the day with Star, but today is different. They hang around for a while, outside, hands in their pockets, staying in each other's space. Without the game to distract him, Julio's mind has moved on completely, straight to the night ahead of them. He feels jittery. Nervous but also excited. 

"You haven't changed your mind?" Star asks, leaning into him. 

Julio shakes his head. "You?"

"No," Star says. "But if you do, go to bed with clothes on. I will know what you mean."

"Not gonna happen," Julio tells him with a small smile. He's grateful for his bulky winter coat. Even with jeans on, he's pretty sure his hard-on can be seen from space. "I'm ready for this, Star. Okay?"

"You can say no at any time," Star reminds him for what feels like the millionth time. Through their soul-bond, Julio can feel Star's anticipation mixing with his anxiety. Any annoyance he feels is counterbalanced by Star's worry. "The effects of my semen will not override your ability to consent."

"I know."

"It is simply meant to enhance your pleasure," Star adds, his words of caution stoking the anticipation in Julio's belly. "Your mind will remain clear enough to fully enjoy the experience, but it will still be overwhelming. I will lead you through it."

Julio smiles again. "I know all of that, too." 

Star presses his lips together. "And you remember your safe word?" he asks after a pause.

"Earthquakes," Julio replies promptly.

Star nods, gaze hot. They stand there for another half an hour, barely talking, swaying with each other. Eventually, Julio lifts up on his toes and presses a kiss to Star's mouth. He walks away but turns around when he's a few feet away, hands dug deep into his pockets. "See you later!" he shouts over the wind. 

Star doesn't say anything. Julio didn't think he would. It's all on his face, in his eyes, burning. 

~~

He eats a nice, bland dinner then watches TV for a few hours, relaxing. 

Once he starts getting a little tired, he takes a bath, using one of Rahne's bubble bars from Lush. Sitting in the orange-scented water, he soaks, eyes closed, listening to the music playing on his phone. He forces himself to take deep, meditative breaths as he tries to stay chill. It's like time isn't moving at all.

Over the past week, they've talked this to death, going over the details. It's the least spontaneous first time ever, but at least Julio feels prepared. They agreed on no condoms because Julio wants the full magical jizz experience. Star's promised the high will be a good one. His tests also came back negative, which isn't surprising considering the furthest he's gotten is touching another person's naked thigh. 

So no condoms and no lube, because of the magical jizz, but Julio bought some anyway, just in case. He's not taking any chances. Nothing is going to stop this from happening tonight, not if he can help it. 

Eventually, the water cools. He drains the tub then gets out, drying off. He takes a quick piss. 

He stands at the sink, looking at himself for a long time, then takes his clippers out from the cupboard. Trying not to castrate himself – this would literally be the worst time for it, in all of history – he gives himself a little trim. He's a hairy dude, but Star seems to like that, so he leaves most of his body hair.

He looks pretty good naked, he decides after a moment of consideration. He'd fuck himself for sure. 

Twisting away from the mirror, Julio turns on the shower and waits for it to warm up, sitting on the closed toilet seat cover. Once under the stream, he scrubs every inch of exposed skin with a washcloth. He gets right up between his legs, paying particular attention to his asshole. His cock decides it likes that a lot. He hasn't jerked off since they decided on a day, nervous he'd go limp or something from the nerves. Right now, he's more excited than anything. No second thoughts, no baseless fears, just excited.

He _is_ a little worried about their soul-mark. If it hurts again... but it hasn't, for ages. He tries to imagine fucking various players on the Rangers – he likes hockey for a _bunch_ of reasons – but his thoughts keep drifting to Star instead. And there's no pain anyway. He knows they're fully bonded. Dr Reyes said so.

He has to believe it will be okay. He just wants to have sex with his soulmate, and he knows Star wants the same, even if he's a bundle of nerves right now. Julio tries to send his own feelings back through their bond – how much he's looking forward to tonight, how much he loves him – and hopes it helps. 

Once he's as clean as he thinks he can get without douching – which they _also_ discussed and came to some sort of consensus on, which was pretty much that neither of them are squeamish and they'll revisit in the future if medically necessary – he buffs himself dry with a clean towel. He pees again. 

He pads, naked, to his bedroom. His bed is covered in his new, silk sheets. He lies down on them, cool against his skin, and closes his eyes. He debates if he needs the sheet or not, but he's shivering within a minute, so that answers that question. Tugging the sheet up, he turns onto his side and then his back.

He doesn't think he'll ever sleep. Eventually, he proves himself wrong.

~~

Julio jerks away and knows instantly that he's not alone. His heart feels like it's going to crack out of his chest. He lies there, on his back, breathing hard, eyes scanning the room. On the first pass, he doesn't see anything, but on the second... he catches those golden eyes in the shadows, watching him. Julio can just barely make out his outline, but he can tell that Star has his hair down and that's he's naked. 

Julio waits, licking at his parched lips. His head knows this is Star, but the rest of him... he lies there, still, as Star pulls the sheet away from him. Star moves over him, his hair brushing softly against Julio's skin. In the shadows, Star looks terrifying, the angles of his face harsh, his teeth and horns more prominent than Julio remembers. He isn't afraid, precisely, but he understands a lot better now.

Star looks at him, eyes as bright as stars in the sky. He puts his hands on Julio's thighs and parts them. His fingers move lightly over Julio's skin, raising goosebumps. Star leans down and captures his mouth in a bruising kiss, tongue slicking into Julio's mouth. One hand slides under Julio's hips, lifting him up. 

Star's cock – his hot, hard, _incredible_ cock – presses wetly between Julio's legs. 

_Oh, fuck_ , he thinks, hips rolling once, wanton, helpless to stop. The blunt head of Star's dick pokes at him, in the empty spot where Julio wants it the most, but Star doesn't go any further than that, not yet. 

Instead, Star continues kissing him, fucking his tongue into Julio's mouth, possessing him. Julio gets that part now, too. He squirms against Star, feeling a peculiar warmth starting to spread between his legs. He realizes what it is when Star's hand slips between them and spreads more of his own slick pre-come over Julio's skin. There is so fucking much of it already. He feels like an idiot for doubting him. 

The feeling builds and builds, and Julio lies there and loses himself in it. He's still aware of Star, aware of his mouth and his hands and the persistent press of his cock, but it's like someone spread pure happiness of his skin, bright and loving and wonderful. He has no words to describe the feeling. It's like laughter with a friend, and the best vacation he'd ever been on, and the sweetest cake he's ever eaten.

As Julio gasps and writhes beneath him, Star's touch grows bolder. He explores Julio's body, searching for pleasure points. It turns out that Julio has a million of them, and Star somehow finds every one.

He comes – _he thinks_ – twice before Star's fingers are even in him, spreading slickness everywhere. Every bump of his knuckle, every twist of his hand – Julio can barely breathe. Everything is so wet, so hot, so overwhelming. Julio arches his back, mewling, and comes a third time, pulsing around him.

By the time Star is finally pushing into him – agonizingly slow, allowing Julio's body time to adjust, even when Julio keens for more – Julio almost cries, one hand dug into Star's arm, where their soul-mark should be. Once Star is fully inside, his hips flush against Julio's body, he gives Julio another moment to get used to the feeling. It's exquisite, every nerve lit with pleasure, coiling hot in his belly.

Star breaks character and smiles at him, and Julio, unable to do anything else, smiles back. 

Once Star is satisfied that Julio is ready, Star fucks him. Makes him come, lets him recover, then makes him come again. Star's magic is a tangible thing that crackles in Julio's ears, like a song he can faintly hear. Star's hand plays over his cock, stroking him, pulling every note of pleasure from his writhing body.

Julio has no concept of time. Eventually, his world shrinks so it's just him and Star, moving together, sharing their bodies, their _souls_. He holds onto Star, gasping in his ear, and begs for release, over and over, his fingers skidding over sweat-soaked skin. Star grants each demand Julio makes, stoking his pleasure with his hands and his mouth, fucking him to orgasm, and then the cycle repeats. Julio's voice goes hoarse, his body loose, his cock perpetually hard. Still, Star pushes him further, and Julio lets him.

Julio gives Star all that he asks for, all of his pleasure, all of his desire. He gives Star everything, until he's empty, until there's simply nothing left. 

Only when Julio feels hollow does Star finally move off him, lovingly careful. Julio whimpers when Star slips out of him, like a part of him has been taken away. Star lays beside him, keeping their skin in constant contact as he sweeps a hand over Julio's back, lulling him into a sleepy doze. He's barely awake when Star gets up and leaves the bed, returning with a damp cloth. He cleans them both with it before laying back down. 

Julio tries to keep his eyes open, but the last thing he sees is the expression on Star's face. 

He looks happy, and Julio falls asleep smiling. 

~~

Julio wakes up with his arm across Star's face, just flung right over him. He'd be sorry if Star wasn't _sniffing_ their soul-mark. "What are you doing?" he asks, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He remembers everything from the night before, every crazy detail. He expects some pain, but he actually feels great. 

"You have a very distinct scent," Star tells him, keeping his voice quiet, his breath tickling Julio's skin. "It is amazing. It is why you drew my attention, that night in the club. Amidst all the bodies there, with their sweat and their deodorants and their natural human musk, I smelled someone... _incredible_."

"Do I actually smell like something in particular or just generally good?"

"Words have not been invented yet to describe how you smell. If they have, I do not know them."

"Did you just romance novel me?" Julio asks, looking over at him. "That's weirdly hot."

Star smiles at him, face just barely lit by the light sneaking in from under Julio's ill-fitted door. He rolls over, half onto Julio, and looks at him for a long time, eyes glowing faintly under the ridge of his brow. Julio lifts in his hand and gently, carefully, traces his fingertip along the outline of the star on his face. 

"Are you okay?" Star asks.

Julio nods. "Yeah, I'm good. That was intense as fuck," he admits with a shaky exhale. He feels weirdly shy when he asks, "is it always going to be like that? Not that I'm complaining, but... it was intense."

Star's left hand curves around Julio's hip, big and warm. He smiles softly, shaking his head. "That is only possible at night, and I can, to an extent, control my physiological response. In theory. It will be easier now that you are no longer a virgin, but... for a time, our nights might be very... enthusiastic." 

"Good thing I can function on a few hours of sleep then," Julio replies with a grin. He enjoys the flash of heat in Star's expression, feeling the warmth of anticipation coil around his dick. "It's probably for the best that you didn't warn me about the multiple orgasms thing. How many times did I come?" 

"Far more than I expected," Star admits. "You seem unusually sensitive to my..." he trails off.

"Say it," Julio prompts when Star pauses. "You know you want to." 

Star sighs deeply, but his expression is fond. "My magical jizz," he says. Julio almost fist-pumps, but he gets distracted by the finger Star is tracing intimately over the line of hair beneath his belly button. "It was helpful, having our soul-mark tell me that you were good, that you were enjoying yourself."

"Yeah, that's, uh, a bit of an understatement," he says. He adds, blushing hotly, "you were _great_."

He half expects Star to protest, but he just smiles, his skin taking on a pinkish tinge. He leans over and kisses Julio on the mouth. They make out for a while – they're naked, Julio tries to be cool about it, but he can't, because they're naked – and eventually, Julio ends up on top, straddling Star's legs. He stares down at him then reaches to turn on the light. Star keeps his hands on Julio's thighs, steadying him.

"That's better," Julio says, looking him over appreciatively. "Fuck, you're gorgeous, Star."

Star's gaze is openly admiring as he rubs over Julio's thighs. "You are."

Julio looks down again, smiling. "Your cock is a little ridiculous. _Perhaps_ above average, my ass." 

"It fit inside you well enough," Star agrees, one blunt fingernail biting lightly into Julio's skin.

"I bet it'll fit in my mouth, too," Julio says filthily, enjoying the full body shiver that goes through Star. He circles Star's cock with his hand, stroking him. If he's a little clumsy or if the angle isn't quite right, Star doesn't seem to notice. He hardens instantly. "You want me to prove it?" he asks, tilting his head.

Eyes wide and cheeks pink, Star nods.

~~

The feeling of having Star's cock in his mouth is a powerful one. He's not as good as he wants to be, but Star doesn't seem to notice. As Julio sucks his cock, he sits there, breathing hard, his fingers flexing in the silk sheets. Eventually, Julio moves one of those hands into his hair, encouraging Star to twist his fingers in his hair. Julio had been thinking about getting it cut, but he changes his mind when he realizes it's long enough to catch on Star's knuckles and that he likes the sensation a lot. They both do.

Star comes faster than Julio expects, especially since he can't really remember Star coming at all last night, though he must have. Julio swallows as best he can then sits back on his heels. Star looks dazed.

"You okay there, dude?" Julio asks with a grin, putting his hands on Star's thighs and rubbing them. 

"That felt very good," Star tells him, blinking slowly, and Julio grins, pressing a kiss to his knee.

Julio learns quickly that ingesting Star's magical jizz gets him high, more than rubbing it on his skin but not nearly as much as when Star's cock was in him. The scientific part of his brain starts coming up with reasons for that – mucous membranes, he decides – but mostly it's just an interesting observation. 

That, and he looks forward to future tests.

Star gets Julio off with his hand, studying his cock in the light, taking his sweet time. A few times, Julio comes close to coming, but Star always backs off. Part of Julio is impressed he still has enough juice left to even orgasm at all, after last night, but most of him is two seconds away from doing it himself. 

"Star, _please_ ," Julio moans, and Star switches his gaze to Julio's face instead, mesmerized as he comes. Julio is only vaguely aware of Star examining his own hand like a weirdo. He's suddenly exhausted. 

They doze, draped over each other. When Julio wakes up again, he takes a moment to appreciate he has the most gorgeous guy on the whole fucking planet in his bed. This is the best version of his life, especially when Star opens his eyes and smiles at him. They end up fucking again because they can. 

Because they want to. 

~~

"You hungry?" Julio asks, after, playing with Star's hair. It was another quick round, but he feels satisfied. He can tell from their mark that Star is equally pleased. "I think I have the munchies."

"Famished," Star admits, nuzzling a spot on Julio's throat with his nose, a hand splayed possessively on Julio's naked belly. "I will need calories to replenish my energy if I am going to keep up with you."

Julio snorts, ignoring the slice of Star's grin against his neck. "How's your magic level?" 

Star hums a little, considering. "Higher than it's ever been. Not at Longshot's level, but no one is. It will take me some time to build up acceptable stores. I will need to have much more sex if you are willing." 

"Fuck, yeah, I'm willing." Julio takes a deep breath and enjoys a nice stretch, rolling his shoulders. "Rahne's gone for, like, four days. As long as we don't fuck in her bed or on her side of the couch, the sky's the limit. It's actually one of the few rules we have. That and keep the fucking toilet seat down."

"It is only polite," Star agrees. 

After a minute, Julio stands up, offering Star his hand and pulling him out of bed. He curves his fingers around Star's hips, pulling him in close. Star's arms settle over Julio's shoulders. Julio feels fuzzy all over, warm and happy. They smile at each other. Julio notices Star's pupils are ridiculously huge. 

"I thought you said you're immune to your magical jizz? You look high as fuck right now, dude."

"Our soul-mark makes no logical sense," Star replies with an adorable scowl. Julio can't help but lean up and kiss at his annoyed mouth, because it just makes him hotter. "I'm _supposed_ to be immune."

"Maybe we'll both get desensitized to it with prolonged exposure. We'll have to test the hypothesis."

Star considers that then asks, "thoroughly?"

"Thoroughly," Julio agrees and kisses him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left comments, kudos or just read my stories this year. 2018 was a really good year for me, writing-wise, and I hit a level of productivity I haven't experienced since 2003 in no small part to all of you. 
> 
> And in case anyone is interested in the timeline ...
> 
> 2018 – Julio and Star meet (November 1st)  
> 2016 – Julio and Rahne have their Night of Disaster (May)  
> 2015 – Star fails the Rite of Passage (October)  
> 2003 – Julio's dad is killed (June), Star manifests as a demon and is removed from his mother (August)  
> 1996 – Julio is born (January)  
> 1993 – Star is born (October)  
> 1980 – Star's parents meet (July)  
> 1960 – Alison is born (May)  
> 1955 – Longshot is born (January)

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's Notes**
> 
> As mentioned in the beginning note... this thing is fully written, but instead of dropping the entire 36K+ in one go (to give me time to make edits, meet the Trope Bingo Amnesty deadline _and_ finish all my holiday exchange stories), I'll be spreading the 8 chapters out between now and December 23rd (for... _reasons_ ). I think that works out to be every 4-5 days. I will also try not to spin out on a major Canadian highway in a whiteout blizzard before posting the final chapter again, like last year. ( _Knock on wood_ ).
> 
> **Additional Warnings:**
> 
>  _Aphrodisiacs/Mind-Mood Altering Substances/Bodily Fluids_ : there is Magical Jizz in this story that, among other things, acts like both a drug and an aphrodisiac. It is not a surprise, and consent is fully negotiated before between both parties come into contact with it. 
> 
> _Family Issues_ : Julio's estranged from and ostracized by most of his family, though he does have limited contact with his mother. There are also past references to a child being taken against his will, by his father, from his mother at a young age. This story takes place when this situation has already been somewhat resolved.  
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> ... don't mind me. Just creating more spoiler space.


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